Tag: communication

3D Juggling 585: Spanners and Kites

We’ve been busy in the last few weeks preparing to restructure the business so that it better reflects our values.  Watch this space and we will share when we get there!

Claire writes: “Misunderstandings happen all the time.  Every time we open our mouth, there’s a risk of a misunderstanding.  Mostly we are understood.  But at worst, misunderstandings take considerable recovery time and can affect organisations and relationships.

Sometimes we just need to be more clear.  If you are flying a kite, and raising possibilities (that don’t have a fully formed business plan) or thinking around a problem, say what you’re doing.  Otherwise your kite can be received as a spanner in the works.

When do you need to be clearer and stand in the shoes of your listener? Think about it…”

If it would be useful to talk this through, call us on 01462 483798.

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 578: Disfluency

Claire writes:  “When we were writing the Great Appointments book, Su and I invented the word disfluency.  We notice that really good and competent professionals are disfluent when it comes to talking about themselves and their skills and experience in an interview or assesment centre.

If you can’t describe yourself, the interviewers will not have enough information to be able to decid whether you are the right person for the role.

Here are some tips

  • Prepare your data on yourself as much as you research the data on them.  And then make the connections between the two
  • Make sure that you use a voice where you are confident – people are often fluent and articulate in meetings or presentations or in a public arena and inarticulate talking about themselves.
  • Stand in the role you are being interviewed for when you answer so that you are using their language and making the connections from your story into their context so that they can imagine what it will be like to have you in role.

Disfluency, unexplored will mean that they don’t meet the real you.  Think about it…”

If you want some help preparing for interview, give us a call on 01462 483798.

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

Why why? Or how?

We talk a lot about why why isn’t always the best question – so interested to read how why eats how for lunch!

3D Juggling 570: Say it out loud

Jane writes: “We just had some feedback from a senior leader who attended a development day with us about behaving assertively.  They said that ‘the real play was invaluable, and doing it from my ‘antagonist’ and ‘observer’ perspectives gave us a host of insights’.

The words we think we need to say sound different when we say them out loud. It is more than having a few bullet points on a page.
In life, we only get one chance at a conversation.  If it misses the mark, we spend many days, months or years dealing with the consequences.  It’s safe to get words wrong in real play because we can keep rehearsing until the sense feels right.

Who do you trust to tell you how what you say makes them feel?  Who can you rehearse with? Think about it…”

And we provide space to rehearse during coaching sessions. Talk to us if that would be a useful way forward for you

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

Out there

According to the recent CIPD report about  Learning and Talent Development the main leadership skills that organisations lack are performance management skills, leading and people management skills and skills to manage change.  All of these involve having robust and purposeful conversations.  Think about it.  What would it worth to get them right first time?
And listen to what the authors of Influencer are saying: ‘Tens of thousands of medical errors continue to happen because individuals who may have practiced drawing blood or moving a patient or reading a gauge dozens of times haven’t studied and practiced how to confront a colleague – or even more frightening –  a physician’ (or manager or bishop or…)

3D Juggling 569: Changing Hats

Claire writes: ‘Most of us are in multiple roles – we may be the manager, friend and supervisor of a colleague; we may the parent, the nurturer and the performance manager at home.  And we are changing roles all the time.

This can be confusing to the person we are talking with.  Are you saying that you think another job would be great for me as my friend? I receive that as supportive and developmental feedback. Or as my manager when I may think you are preparing to fire me?

In coaching, you may be tempted to change hats to consultant, counsellor, manager, supervisor, mentor, pastor or spiritual director.  In pure coaching that is actually unethical, but many people operate in several arenas.  What’s important is that you ask the consent of your client to change, only do so if they agree – and then change back.

Next time you shift roles think about whether what you are about to say could be read as ambiguous – and tell your companion which hat you’re wearing.  Don’t expect them to take the role of mind reader? Think about it…’

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.comed to the listening  exercise: Active seeing is as important as active listening. Think about it…”

Other hats

This has absolutely nothing to do with Edward de Bono’s six thinking hats except that it reminds us of them.  They’re useful.  If you don’t know what they are, have a look at a summary or a video if that will work better for you (fast forward the beginning)

3D Juggling 561: Through The Looking Glass

Claire writes:  “‘I didn’t mean it’.  How often have you heard that – at home or at work?  We judge ourselves on our intent. Yet we measure others by the impact which their communication has on us.

And that’s where most communication problems arise – where the impact is different from the intention. Especially when we are communicating with people whose style is very different from our own.

Think about it…”

And if you want to understand it even more, talk to us about how DiSC can help you be more confident that your impact is what you intended.
© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 559: Let’s start at the very beginning

Claire writes: ‘Let’s start at the very beginning. It’s a very good place to start’, sang Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.  Except when it isn’t!

  • When we start at the beginning in an interview, the interviewers never find out what they need to know.  What needs to be known by the end that is not known at the beginning? That will tell you where to start.
  • When we start at the beginning in a thinking conversation, the thinker may never get beyond the story and what they know already.  Where do we need to start is a question that only the thinker can answer.
  • When we start at the beginning in an appraisal or review conversation, where the person has already done preparation on paper, we end up going over old ground and creating the movie of the book – or ratifying the paperwork.  You have already started out on this journey, where do we need to start today will mean that things are known by the end of the conversation that were not known at the beginning.

So unless it is the story that needs to be told, next time you’re tempted to start at the beginning, ask yourself and the person you are talking with: where do we need to start? Think about it…

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 558: Positive Feedback

Claire writes: “The other day I got some great customer service from someone and when we had finished on the phone, I asked to be put through to their manager.  After a long period of canned music, the phone was answered with a silence in which I heard: What on EARTH are you going to complain about?

‘Please can I give you some positive feedback on your colleague?’ was followed by another silence and then a great conversation.

Too often we forget to give positive feedback as willingly as we complain.

Think about it next time you get some great customer service…”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 548: Speaking in a different language

Jane writes:  I got a new mobile phone this week and bravely faced the challenge of syncing my email account. There was a lot of growling as I attempted to follow the instructions, and then I went to the O2 shop for help.  After accurately assessing my abilities someone there sorted it all out for me.

Do you get frustrated when you don’t understand what someone’s trying to tell you – even though they’re speaking the same language as you?  I often ask them to explain their point again – and then still don’t get it. How can this happen?
For me it may be that they are giving me the detail when I need the heart of the message (the ‘so what?’).  For others it may be that they are being given the heart of the message without any evidence to support it (‘convince me’).   It’s all about difference.  We have different preferences about how we receive information, different ways of processing it, and different styles when we give it.  Understanding these differences can help us to adapt when this will help achieve a better result for us and for others.  Adapting appropriately can save a lot of time trying to resolve ‘misunderstandings’.  Learning how to ask others to adapt some of the time to help you understand them better is also useful.

Think about it…”

© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 541: Who do you schmooze?

Jane writes: ‘You’ve identified all your stakeholders – all those people, volunteers and organisations that have an interest in your service, product, operations, impact, turnover/profit etc.  How do you know what sort of attention to give each of them?  Do you spend more time and effort with the ones who show most interest in what you’re doing, or those that provide you with most income?  Do you forget about the ones have been quiet for the last six months, or those that you are confident are supportive of your plans?

Tricky decisions, and there’s no right answer.  There are some general principles that you can follow though.  Don’t ignore any of them.  Don’t assume that because they are not showing much interest now that they won’t pop up and exert some influence later.  The best laid plans can be scuppered by a stakeholder whose interest wasn’t understood.

Understanding the differing degrees of interest and influence associated with stakeholders will help you to plan how to keep them involved; through keeping them informed, consulting with and involving them, maybe encouraging them to enthuse about what you’re doing to others.

Who do you need to schmooze?

© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

We were recently talking to a former CEO of some houselhold name brands. He recommends the Balanced Scorecard as an approach to managing stakeholders.