3D Ideas 789: Music and Movement

Claire writes: “Su’s daughter was at a piano masterclass with a famous pianist at school last week. He asked them to describe what a beat was in music – they struggled. He described it as movement. He said without movement music doesn’t live, it’s dead. In the same way, without a heartbeat we don’t live. He described how world class musicians move as they play their music and it makes it live.

We are learning that people are often more able to think when they are moving, or even standing up. It may not always be possible, and when it is, conversations can come alive!”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 788: What about what

Claire writes: “‘Simplicity is not a simple thing’ said Charlie Chaplin. At 3D, it is a journey for us to continue to simplify what we are learning and what we share. What we are learning is this: If I bring too much to a conversation – in terms of words, process or content – then I will end up doing most of the work. When we are truly empowering our colleague to think, they will be doing most of the work. Coaching is simply keeping them company while they think (and provoking where necessary). That’s why we don’t like using words like client or coachee – we are speaking with a person – who, we hope, has come to think.

We know that transformation in a conversation is more likely to happen when you have a container and boundaries to what you are doing together. Whatever you use to co-create a container, whether it is Dorothy Strachan’s What – So what – Now what – or Hawkins and Smith’s CLEAR – Contract – Listen Explore – Action – Review, we need to remember that if this conversation is about our colleague thinking, then the What/Contract stage is for them not for me. When we spend too long in the What/Contract, it is probably because I am asking questions so that I understand. If I am trying to understand, I am probably intending to find the problem and solve it for you. A coaching style is about whether you understand (enough) what we are doing today – how we are going to do it and how we will know we have done it.

If you use 3D’s coaching container to form conversations, remember that the What/Contract is for the thinker. And it’s useful in much more than coaching!”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 787: Almost Nothing

Claire writes: “Feedback is a useful way of learning and the last week has given new insights again from a quote from Richard Rohr: “Wisdom is not the gathering of more facts and information, as if that would eventually coalesce into truth – it is a way of seeing and knowing the same old ten thousand things but in a new way.”

It makes sense of our strategy to teach people almost nothing – just naming what deep down you know already – so that you will apply it straight away. When you teach people too much, it’s much harder to apply the learning. Simplicity again.”

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3D Ideas 786: Another Look at Less is More

Claire writes: “The fewer words we use in conversations, the easier it is to listen more and notice (and say) what we hear and see. When we use more words, we listen less and because it’s harder to notice what’s happening, it’s easier to slip into diagnosing someone else’s problem. And then prescribing a solution. Which may not be why they came to see us.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 785: Positive signs

Claire writes: “One of the greatest gifts of delivering training is to learn with a group (you know who you are, 7th November!)

Every week we recognise that what we are learning and passing on is truly and deeply simple. Observing today, a couple of delegates looked at me in panic as they we having their first ever coaching style conversation. I asked them: what are you thinking right now?

Performance anxiety seeps in so quickly and I will assume I am stuck because I have made a mistake. All we need to do is turn our anxiety into a question:

  • A thought – I don’t know what to do now… becomes a question “what do we need to do now?” 
  • A thought – I don’t know if we have finished or not… becomes a question “have we finished?”  

And trust what we see. When we think we have seen a not sure look, ask what do we need to do so you’re confident we have finished. Never underestimate the value of moving. Today it was for our trainee to stand next to the thinker and simply ask “what’s the next step?” and move with her as she stepped forward. We all saw her arrive in her new thinking – body mind and spirit.

It really is that simple.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 784: Wobble

Claire writes: “Remember last week’s blog when I wrote ‘If we pin down the content too much, we undervalue the capacity of the group to be generative’? We had to remind ourselves that when we went out, notebooks in hand, to think about how we were going to work with the group.

We wobbled. It’s normal. We are hard wired that content is a good thing. I’m glad we held our nerve – and remembered that we had in fact been preparing for 50 years between us for that day. Our role was to create a container in which the participants could do their thinking – bringing together things that they already know – with others insights as catalysts, challenge and affirmation. And all that requires is for us to work out together

  • What are we doing here, today?
  • How are we going to do it?
  • How will we know we have done it?

And then to ask, so now…?

I have learned so much from Val Hastings this week about how we work. More will undoubtedly emerge as we process over the next few weeks. But for now, the learning for us from that wobble is that great training isn’t a complete sentence with a full stop. It’s a bringing together of things followed by a comma. The rest of the learning will be completed by the great wisdom and knowledge that is in the room.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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Why listening matters for doctors (and others)

3D Ideas 783: Capacity and Capability

Claire writes: “In conversation preparing for today’s Group Coaching training, I wrote down

If we pin down the content too much, we undervalue the capacity of the group to be generative

It can also undervalue the experience, knowledge and skill they bring. When we are training, we rarely teach people things they don’t know. What we do is name things they don’t know that they know so that in future they can draw on that more intentionally.

The same is true for managers and staff.  When we don’t listen, we undervalue people’s capacity and capability.  Listen to Tom Peters exploring whether we are an 18 second leader, manager (or doctor, or vicar, or…)”

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3D Ideas 782: Forgetting Curve

Claire writes: “At a recent team meeting, Su introduced us to Ebbinghaus’s Forgetting Curve from the late 1800s. His hypothesis was that we need to repeat what we are learning in order to remember it (I’d like to add and therefore to apply it).

This makes sense of our intuitive training style where we ask people

  • What are we learning?
  • What do you know now that you didn’t know before?

It’s also why we are beginning to introduce refresher modules – to renew energy and insight and to encourage people to apply new ways of having conversations. There will be more of these in 2018 because they work!”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 781: Me or Us

Claire writes: “Noticing what’s going on in conversations is much easier when we are observing than when we are in the thick of it. I have known for a long time that being useful is more effective than being helpful. This week, in conversation, there was some useful insight into what makes that true.

  • When I say “Is this helpful?” I may be implying “Am I being helpful?”
  • When I say “Is this useful?” I am asking “Is what we are doing together useful?”

It’s not about what I do that makes a conversation useful – it’s about what we do together.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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