Tag: behavioural change

3D Juggling 606: We’re both right

Claire writes: “Clare wrote about receiving feedback the other day, which got me thinking.  Sometimes we receive feedback supportively and choose to see it as a learning experience.  And sometimes it seems to push our buttons and we struggle to make sense of it – and probably take time and energy defending it.  It may be inappropriate, but often it’s just hard to receive and we want to be right.  To do that we feel that we need to make the other person wrong.

The concept of both being right is useful here. You’re right that you have one perception.  And your colleague is right that they have a very different perception. So the most important question is that if I am right and you are right, how do we take this forward?  It’s also great where there is conflict in meetings.”

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
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3D Juggling 605: Choose to choose

Thanks for all the email comments about the powerpose in last week’s Juggling.  It’s been great to have conversations, and some of you have used it.

Claire writes: “We have been in the public sector again this last week where there is so much change going on that it is easy to feel stuck.  Yet even in stuckness, we all have choices. A friend on facebook commented last week on her timeline that she is in the departure lounge of life.  Her choice was to say goodbye and allow others to say goodbye to her before we hear through a third party that she has died.

When we feel stuck, we can choose to do nothing.  That is a legitimate choice.  Recently I have been struck that we may know what our choices are and still hold back from exercising them.  If that’s happening to you, do you know how you will choose how to choose? Or even when to choose?”

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
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3D Juggling 603: Busy busy

There are still spaces on the Masterclass on 25th Feb on helping people look at their situation from a different perspective; and on the next open Coaching for Excellence starting on 4th March.

Claire writes: “It’s Lent.  And there’s talk of who has given up what, and who isn’t interested.

The people at ‘I’m not busy’ are encouraging us to give up busyness for Lent.  It’s a bit like the art of slowlyness.

Even if that’s for 15 minutes out of your working day, it’s a great idea.”

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 601: Feisty Feedback

This week our guest blogger is Clare Norman who works in Leadership Development for a global professional service firm.  We have been learning together for about ten years since she participated in our Action Learning Set Facilitator Training.

Clare writes: “I am about to embark on a new period of study, learning how to be a coach supervisor.  As I get prepared, I have been reminding myself that there are going to be periods of discomfort, as I learn this new skill.  We don’t go on courses to do things that we already find easy, after all.  We go to stretch ourselves and discover new ways of doing things.  And discomfort will be a side-effect of that process.

Brene Brown, in her book Daring Greatly, talks about why we often don’t give feedback.  One of the reasons is discomfort.  We shy away from things that are hard.  But she rightly points out that we need to normalize what’s difficult.  Giving feedback isn’t a comfortable experience for the most part.  But that doesn’t automatically make it a bad thing, or something to be avoided.  On the contrary, it helps the receiver to learn and grow.  If you want people around you to think critically and to change, you need to get used to the discomfort of giving feedback.  It might get easier over time, but don’t expect that – expect discomfort, see it as normal, and start communicating more directly with people around you.

If you’re comfortable, then you are not teaching and others are not learning.”

If you liked this post, hop over to Clare’s blog Being a Sunbeam, and sign up to receive her posts.

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 598: How definite is definite enough?

It’s been great to see people from recent coaching courses and benchmark their coaching skills a few months down the line.  Talk to us if you’d like us to listen to a coaching conversation you have had, and to give you feedback – video or audio are both possible.  Here’s a demo with a real client which we have put online in response to your requests. We have the client’s permission to share it.

Claire writes: “New Year and new resolutions – have you kept them?  Or are they wobbling?  Maybe you don’t like resolutions at all.  David Clutterbuck has been doing research on goals.  He has found that people who ask the question ‘Will I go to the gym today?’ are more likely to go than someone who says ‘I will go’.  Holding the possibility in mind seems to have better results than definite decisions.

Think about it…?”

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 597: Coffee – real or instant?

Happy New Year! We hope that you had a good break. We are delighted to announce our new line up for 2013. Alan Gyle and Nicola McGinty will be joining the 3D team.  Both have extensive experience working with groups and team and individuals.  This is also a chance to say thank you to Nadia Evans who is now living in Dubai, and Liz Ford who will be leaving before Easter.  It’s been great to have them both as part of our journey.

Claire writes: “I have switched off so completely over the Christmas break that it’s taking focus to reengage – and I thought I had nothing to say. But inspiration came over the expresso maker! As a coffee snob, I like the real stuff and love the way you pack the expresso maker and then leave it to do its work.

Sometimes in conversations, I notice, we hope for great results while we are in dialogue with the other person.  On occasions real results come much later – perhaps days or even months – and are of a greater depth and quality than those that come in the moment.  Here’s an email we received just before Christmas from someone we worked with a couple of years ago: “…one of the things it made me really understand is just how long learning can go on for – even after the actual ‘learning’experience. A lot of the things we talked about when we were working together made a certain kind of sense at the time, but they’ve come to make even more sense in the [time since]… I’ve been able to make a different kind of sense of them”

Real coffee takes time to brew.  Not all learning is instant!  Think about it…”

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 591: Enough is Enough

There is still a space on 27th November at the Action Learning Set Facilitator Training in London. WOuld you like to join us?  If you are ICF Member, the main sessions from the conference are now up on the website in the members area.  Worth watching!

Claire writes: “When I started 3D in the late 1990s, I had a landline and an Amstrad PCW.  Now we run most of the business on the cloud off phones, laptops and iPads!  Technology has really helped make working smarter, easier, faster…

But it’s quicker to email than to phone, it’s less hassle to text than to go and have a conversation face to face.  And there is considerable concern now from early advocates of technology that todays young adults are losing the ability to have conversations.  Sherry Turkle, talks on this TED lecture about her change of heart  And todays young adults didn’t get technologically savvy until they were 4 or 5 or 6 which raises questions about the iGeneration.

I remember advice from someone who used to be in sales:  For every 5 emails make a phone call, and for every ten try and meet up face to over a face to face coffee!

When’s enough eCommunication enough, and when is it time to meet? Think about it…?”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 586: Knowledge Junkies

Claire writes: “This week has held all kinds of connections and crossovers.  On Monday I was staying in a Premier Inn in Nottingham and preparing for an event talking to parents about employabilty.  The customer service was brilliant.  Often I feel as though I am listening to a recorded message when I check in to a hotel, but the service there was outstanding – including us being given a breakfast for free because ‘you didn’t have much’. They had absorbed the rules and applied them with humanity. That’s one of the skills employers are looking for in new recruits out of school or university

That emotionally intelligent customer service reminded me of the Jung quotation I had heard that morning in a conversation about coaching: “Learn your theories as well as you can, but put them aside when you touch the miracle of the living soul“. That’s what we wrote on the flip chart for the coaching skills training the next day as we encouraged our delegates to trust themselves and the process.

Where do you need to learn theories?  And where does the learning junkie in you need to trust the process? Think about it…”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 585: Spanners and Kites

We’ve been busy in the last few weeks preparing to restructure the business so that it better reflects our values.  Watch this space and we will share when we get there!

Claire writes: “Misunderstandings happen all the time.  Every time we open our mouth, there’s a risk of a misunderstanding.  Mostly we are understood.  But at worst, misunderstandings take considerable recovery time and can affect organisations and relationships.

Sometimes we just need to be more clear.  If you are flying a kite, and raising possibilities (that don’t have a fully formed business plan) or thinking around a problem, say what you’re doing.  Otherwise your kite can be received as a spanner in the works.

When do you need to be clearer and stand in the shoes of your listener? Think about it…”

If it would be useful to talk this through, call us on 01462 483798.

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 583: Generous Succession

Claire writes: ‘We have been captivated by the Paralympics and last Thursday saw gold after gold go to Team GB.  Most important, I think, is what can be learned from the generosity of Oscar Pistorious who failed to gain a medal and gave a generous interview saying that Jonny Peacock is the new generation of sprinters.

Good succession planning means generously passing the limelight onto the next generation. Business and organisations have much to learn from that interview.  where do we need to be pointing to upcoming colleagues and introducing them to others as the next generation? Where do we need to get over our own need for affirmation and put others in the limelight even when it might cost our ego?

And at the same time, how do we acknowledge to others those in generations before us and also thank them for their part in our journey. Mike Kenny is the British Paralympian with the most medals and has been barely mentioned by anyone this summer.  That’s where British sport and the world’s media may also have a lesson to learn.

What does your organisation need to do differently?  Think about it…’

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com