Claire writes: “There is a famous sketch where comedian Eddie Izzard asks: ‘What do you choose – cake or death?’ (WARNING it contains offensive language). That sketch comes to mind when I am thinking about how some conversations can be rich, fruitful and useful – and at another time you can hear similar questions and they are excruciatingly painful. Someone in a mentor coaching group recently described these as harsh and over-demanding questions.
The answer is that in coaching, as in comedy, timing matters. Questions don’t work when they come too quickly, too close to the last one, when we haven’t stopped thinking, or when you’ve lost connection with me so we aren’t in sync.
Less is more. And cadence matters…so instead of always saying a lot, try saying less sometimes. That means that a conversation will be more effective and flow better. Instead of you saying:
A lot…a lot…a lot… a lot,
You might say
A little… silence… a little… a little bit more
Because when a conversation becomes harsh and over-demanding we have lost trust.”
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