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Claire writes: “We were debriefing a live coaching demonstration last week and talking about how many times we had landed the conversation.  The thinker said we had finished and I checked in what else we needed to do to end well. The question the group asked was how I knew we weren’t quite there. It’s about the tone.

Online working is offering the opportunity to learn even more about simplicity in conversations. Almost all the learning is about pace and tone. The engine of a plane changes tone as it begins to land, and then again when it hits the tarmac. And again when it stops. That is true in conversations too. When transformation happens and the person is getting new insights and a way forward, they change their tone.  It feels like a move from hesitant to definite. It sounds like an increase in volume.

I don’t keep landing in order to pin down all their actions. Some of that they will do themselves. Often that final question when everything seems incomplete is: ‘Do you know where you’re going to keep thinking about that?’ I keep landing until I hear the change of tone.  And that’s often on the second go.  Conversations end well when we begin with the end in mind, as Covey said. We need to start the end about the middle of the conversation – ‘we have 30 minutes left, what do we need to do to end well?’ And keep counting down. ‘So in the last 10 minutes?’. It is not received as a shortage of time. It’s received as a gift to make sure the work we are doing is the right size for the time we have left.  We have plenty of time when we make the conversation the right size.  When we don’t, and we demonstrate that we have all the time in the world, we may not get to the heart of the matter. Listen to the tone!”

Ⓒ 3D Coaching Ltd 2021

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