Claire writes: “I often write about using time checks to manage the conversation and to make sure that we do what we need to do so that the person we are talking with feels heard  – and gets new insights into their own stuff.

There’s a bit of an art in using timing checks without sounding like you’re implying ‘hurry up’ or ‘you’re not doing this properly’. This begins by avoiding alarm, such as ‘we only have 5 minutes left’ and integrating the time and the question.

So do you integrate the question in the time check?

We have 5 minutes left, what shall we do to end well?

Or do you integrate the time in the question? 

What shall we do to end well in the 5 minutes we have left?

It doesn’t matter which is which. What matters is that we end in partnership. And the only way for us both to end in partnership is to both know that the end is coming. Otherwise if and you’re good at building trust, the end will always come as a surprise to the thinker. And that’s not partnership!

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