While Claire is on sabbatical, we will be hearing from a guest blogger each week. This week’s guest blogger is coach and supervisor Beatrice Zornek. Beatrice writes: “Balance is the natural order of things.
In relationships, when one part pulls away, the other part instinctively wants to fill in the gap.I remember more than one occasion of unrequited love where I became “that girl” who would send long, frequent messages to a guy who just wasn’t that into me.
We crave balance, and when we lack balance, we start “efforting” to fill in the gap. This is the risk in coaching. You only need one client who answers every other question with “I don’t know” to see the principle of “efforting” at play. You’ll find yourself at the end of a session, having exhausted all your brilliant questions, asking yourself what else you can ask them in the next 11 sessions they’ve already paid for. But if you really think of it, “efforting” has the resonance of a rescuer mindset.
And that’s the dark side of coaching.
When you find yourself thinking about ways to “do more” in your coaching, you’re enabling the other to “do less”. This is disempowering for our clients because it doesn’t help them uncover that space within themselves where they can find their own inner resources for change.
So if you notice a lack of balance in your coaching relationships, it’s an opportunity to stop and reflect where have you taken more responsibility than necessary? And restore the natural balance.”
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