3D Ideas 775: Weird Words

Claire writes: “The number one reason that people don’t apply what they are learning about coaching into every conversations at work is that they think it sounds weird to say: ‘Can I coach you?’. It probably does – and it sounds like you’re about to do something to someone. Given that coaching isn’t magic, and fundamentally is a conversation with someone that’s only about them, it can be used at work easily. It’s even great as triage – let’s talk about what kind of support you might need…

Some things people find work:

  • Shall we talk about that in a different way?
  • Would you like me to help you think about that?

Or if you’re worried about getting the contract right, give them a STOKeRS card and say – these questions might help us start our conversation well – why don’t you have a look and talk through them.”

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3D Ideas 774: Tennis

Claire writes: “Johanna Konta’s tennis secret is to trust the process – whether it’s the first game or match point she does what she has learned works. The most common feedback we get at the end of our 4 day Transforming Conversations course is that it works. And that always comes from someone who has started out very sceptically.

Maybe it’s the season, because tennis metaphors have been useful learning this month. When we think about pace in conversations, we needs a smooth flow between a question and a response. As I listen to people developing a coaching approach, it’s also noticeable that sometimes questions feel like a serving machine. And sometimes the person facilitating the conversation catches every response and holds onto it while they work out what to do next – when the person thinking just needs a tiny phrase to keep them thinking. Pace is an art – and one which needs to be co-created. (and on the subject of tennis, a surprising volley can also be useful in moving the game on)”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 773: Change Chairs

Claire writes: ‘We have a sofa in our meeting room which usefully gives people a variety of choices where to sit. The other day someone came in, made themselves comfortable on the sofa and said that to be able to think they needed to download some difficult stuff first. Which they did.

Then they indicated that they were ready to move forward in their thinking. It felt heavy, so I invited them to move up to the other end of the sofa. What happened next was extraordinary. Any time that the past came up in her conversation, they said ‘but that belongs over there’. Which allowed them to own the stuff, and to move on.

That’s another example of where moving works. In his book Rest, Alex-Soojung-Kim-Pang explores some research about why that’s true – it has some interesting insights.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Ideas 772: Pinning Down

Claire writes: ‘”Don’t interrupt”. Spoken or implied, that’s a message most of us had wired into us as children. So when we are in a conversation where we are thinking “what is it we are can usefully do here”, we don’t interrupt.

A coaching style demonstrates that we can learn to stop interrupting people’s thinking and start interrupting when they are repeating stuff they know already if it’s not useful to them.

Try interrupting talking with short contracting questions

  • So today…?
  • And your question for us today is: How can I…? (NB the I is them not you!)

And try not interrupting thinking by listening with your eyes – by watching theirs.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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Useful Stuff – Shadow Consulting

We had a few organisational sponsors on a development call this morning.  Interesting connections about the value that noticing and listening to headlines and underbelly brings to Action Learning Sets.

Here is an article from Leadership and Change Magazine

Useful Stuff: Imposter Syndrome

Interesting to notice the connection between that last blog post and Imposter Syndrome in this blog from Alison Hodge

3D Ideas 771: Value Add

Claire writes: ‘When you’re in the business of selling services to other people, it’s good to add value. We make an assumption that means doing/ giving something extra.

 

 

 

 

When thinking space is a precious commodity, sometimes we can add value by saying less and giving more space.’

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 770: Broken connection

Claire writes: ‘It was the first session of a new practicum where people come to a webinar to listen and observe coaching to enhance their learning. A new group. And a new way of learning for most of them.
The coach was doing a great job. And the thinker’s connection went.  She had to reconnect.  This took two or three minutes.  I said to the coach ‘don’t apologise just ask where are you now?’ The thinker was still thinking as she reconnected and the conversation continued to flow. To have said ‘I’m so sorry. What happened? Let me recap’ would have interrupted her thinking and taken it backwards. (Of course if she’d said I don’t know remind me that would have been fine).
A coaching style is about a flow of thinking.  A bit of a gap isn’t a bad thing!’
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 769: Afterwards

Claire writes: ‘We demonstrate coaching a lot. Which means that the person who has been thinking is still in the room after the conversation is over. For safety and so that the group doesn’t get back into their stuff, we ask them to sit out.

I have noticed that while the rest of the group are talking about what they saw, the thinker invariably starts writing or looks out of the window. And when you ask them if they have made another leap in their thinking, they almost always have. After its over! The more I think about this I wonder whether it’s because is over. The contract is closed, and then the shift happens.
If we keep extending our conversation what are we actually saying? That they need us in order to think? They don’t. Our presence is a catalyst, a support and a challenge. They are more capable than we are of doing the rest!’
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd  May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 768: No Idea

Claire writes: ‘Surely you can’t do a contract (STOKeRS) with someone doesn’t know what they want to think about? That’s a question we are asked a lot – about a coaching style and in Action Learning. A contract at the start of a conversation is simply agreeing together

  • What are we doing today
  • How are we going to do it
  • How will we know we have done it

… before we start.

If we don’t agree together, there is a risk that I will decide by leading the questions.  And if the person who is thinking doesn’t know, we know that we don’t know what we are doing yet!  Outlining what’s going on might be a good start – as well as questions like ‘is this useful?’
In fact when the people say ‘I don’t know’ when we ask ‘Where shall we start?’ we can say what we are thinking: ‘As you speak some of the questions that come up in my mind are… so where shall we start?’.  In an Action Learning Set, that’s a great opportunity to invite the set members to write on a sticky note what their opening question might be – and to give it to the presenter so they can decide.’
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com   Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email