Claire writes: “On the last advanced practicum, we were talking about the difference between what is the focus for a single conversation, and the focus that was previously agreed for the whole relationship. It was interesting to notice how difficult we were finding it to ask a question in a way that is optimistic and not judging.
When the person you’re talking with brings something that seems to have no relation to the reason they came to coaching, tone matters.
- Listen – in your head – to the difference between: “How does this relate to our long term goals?”
- And the implied tone that sounds like “How [on earth] does this [possibly] relate to our long term goals?” which sounds like judging.
We have talked before about staying away from ‘Oh dear’, ‘Oh help’ and ‘Oh no’ tones and I’m learning all the time about how much tone matters.
Optimistic and future focussed is an important stance of coaching. Don’t worry. That doesn’t need to sound robotic or weird!
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