3D Ideas 891: We can’t make it OK

Claire writes: “Over the last few weeks it’s been a privilege to spend a little time with Systemic Teacher, Lynn Stoney to talk about with trauma.  One of those conversations has informed this blog post.

Hellinger wrote that war, natural disasters and pandemics are ‘the greater forces that shape us’. We aren’t used to this level of not being in control. It’s a shock and our normal coping strategies may or may not work for us. Naming out loud what we can influence and what we can’t influence can be liberating. In systemic work, this is described as agreeing to something exactly as it is. The world won’t be the same again is about naming the truth of what is. 

Inviting ourselves, or someone else, to say out loud I am feeling trapped in my home, if that is what they are expressing, is very different from reassuring them that lots of other people are, too. Reassurance minimises when we try and make something better.

Agreeing to what is is very different from trying to make something OK.”

[In coaching this is a skill to evoke awareness. This will be part of Wednesday’s masterclass for trained coaches which will be available as a recording from Thursday]

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