Tag: transformation

3D Ideas 824: Transformation

Claire writes: ‘What a privilege to train people to increase the likelihood of their having transformational conversations! It’s not possible to ensure that every conversation you have engenders deep transformation. But we work with people to help them to lose the habits that prevent it from happening. Our definition of transformation is that someone understand something in a new way that makes a significant difference to what they do or think or feel. Hawkins and Smith call it ‘a shift in the room’. Others call it a lightbulb moment.

I saw transformation happen the other day in training and someone in the group quoted WB Yeats ‘All are changed. Changed utterly’. This always requires bravery – after all if someone has deep transformation, the conversation you thought you were having has moved not only to a new page – but possibly a new chapter!

And the first step? Listen with your eyes. You’ll see it in a flicker way before you hear it.”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 810: Oh!

Claire writes: ‘The room was full of midwives and other health professionals. They weren’t really sure why they had come to the day… and suddenly one lady piped up: ‘OH!’

I begin every single thing I say to my direct reports with a version of ‘what do you want me to do for you?’ and then when I get home at night, I wonder why I worked so hard and seemed to take on everyone else’s stuff?”, she said… “I told them to give it to me, didn’t I?”

She went away, committed to starting conversations with her direct reports with: “what would you like us to think about today?” It’s not, of course, that she will never help or give solutions. It’s just that she committed in that moment of insight to start with seeing if they could work it out for themselves first.’

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 809: Quality Space

Claire writes: “Unexpectedly, yesterday, I received a phone call postponing a piece of work that would have taken most of today. Suddenly the diary opened up and with some thinking space. I was also talking with Ruth, one of our coaches, and she was asking questions that were helping me to look at some of our processes in a new way.

That’s all we do as coaches – we keep people company while they think. And often what happens is that they begin to know something at the end that they didn’t know at the beginning of the conversation that will make a significant difference to what they do or think or feel.

There is something transformational about containing time and getting focused. Some people find that easy and energising to do on their own. Some can do it on their own if they are in the right physical space. And some people find it useful to have a thinking partner. What’s your preference?

And if you’d like to have a conversation like that with one of us, you know where we are!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 802: Completely Lost

Claire writes: “As professionals – in whatever field we work in – we learn that we need to know what we are doing. What I continue to learn is that I almost never know what we are doing in a conversation, and my role is to be brave and hold my nerve.

We spend several days a week training people to have transformational conversations (where you can see in someone’s eyes or their body that something significant has shifted). And what happens next? Firstly the facilitator of the conversation turns to us with a surprised ‘how did that happen?’ look… and then we often see a look of panic that says ‘Help! I have absolutely no idea what to do now’. That loss of control is scary. And transformation is significant. Of course we are completely lost – something fundamental has changed. Thank goodness for the question ‘Where are we now?'”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 795: Magic

Claire writes: “One of this week’s delegates says it better than me: “Coaching isn’t a technique. It clears distractions and gets to the heart of the matter.

It’s been amazing to watch people understand things in a different way. If you were watching a video of Transforming Conversations this week you might say you saw magic happen in many of the conversations going on. But when we start using language like magic, we need to be cautious of power. Coaching is not doing something to someone else. The coach or manager is not a magician. A coaching style works because at a deep level we are exploring your question together and you are getting to the heart of it. When conversations are transformational, you can see something change in the space we have created between us in the conversation we are having together. If you think that came from me, it takes away some of your power and potential. It’s yours!”

If you want to learn to have more transformational conversations, talk to us. There is one space left on this year’s open Transforming Conversations course.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 790: Punctuation

A very Happy Christmas to you from the 3D Coaching Team. We are shutting up shop on 20th December and will be back on Monday 8th January. Book onto any of our online training before 4pm Wednesday 20th December 2017 and get 15% off.

Claire writes: “Thanks to Julia who responded to last week’s blog – ‘Perhaps we should be talking about jive conversations as well as live ones! Thinking about it – the other thing about music is that the pause is often as important as the note – if you listen to Jacquelin du Pre playing the Elgar cello concerto the wonderful thing that brings it to life is partly the pause or hesitation before a note – it makes it electrifying.’

A great conversation is appropriately punctuated. An electrifying pause brings challenge and insight. An ‘I don’t know what to ask you next’ pause is stilted and make me stop someone thinking. The best interventions are often very short – they just need to keep the thinking flowing.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 760: Another Way?

Claire writes: “Two great reminders this week.  The first is that either/or doesn’t always help us decide.  Considering options as either this or that or something else (that I haven’t thought of yet) can enable more creative thinking.

Secondly I am still overwhelmed by the power of moving when someone is stuck and lacking ideas or energy or both.  Thanks to an insight from John Whittington about place markers, someone on last week’s Transforming Conversations made a significant shift from combining these two simple insights

I don’t actually know what they were talking about, but the thinker was so stuck that the coach moved in her chair to try and unstick thinking. He was still stuck.  So she invited the thinker to draw what he was thinking – and what emerged was an either/or line.  She looked at me with a ‘what on earth do I do now look’.  I picked up three cushions from the sofa where they were sitting and threw them on the ground in a triangle saying ‘if this represents either and this represents or… and (placing the third cushion) this represents something else you haven’t thought of yet…’ Before I had finished, her thinker had dismissed going near either of the first two cushions and placed himself firmly on the third. As I walked away and left them to do the work I heard him say: ‘So THIS is my question – what is this?’.

 

Getting people to move and stand can move thinking forward significantly and quickly.  And this experience underlines the value, I think, of learning by doing even more than from theory.”

 

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 743: Move Again

face-636092_1280Claire writes: “We train people to use the simplest learning from coaching to transform the conversations they have at work.  And we are always learning simpler things ourselves! Last week it was how you can apply the simple idea of movement in selection. This is the email I received:

 

Interviewing today, all day. 
Down to two candidates. It’s 5.00pm
Panel of seven, back and forth we go 
Stuck we are, round and round the table we go, an hour is almost past and still we cannot break the stalemate. 
And then I remember my training!
Quoting your name as one does a patron saint I boldly declare “You have three seconds decide, in the left corner of the room it’s Jane in the right its Tim…3,2,1 move”
Three of us for Jane one for Tim and 3 undecided. 
Resolution in 2 minutes as they decide where and with whom to stand

 

Another great example of how getting out of our heads and moving can help us think more clearly.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 729: Connections

Claire writes:  “spider-web-with-water-beads-921039_1280It’s interesting how often people come to talk with a handful of separate things… which are almost always connected.
And as Nick Smith said,
  • How are these related? is story
  • What’s the connection? is about the person
Connection is a useful question as that’s often where the transformation will emerge.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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Some feedback we received: Don’t really get this! If you’ve time for a short elaboration, would be very grateful.
Our  response:
Interestingly you’re the only person who has asked – so thank you for that.

It comes, I think, from the fact that we spend a great deal of time talking to problems rather than people.  How are those related I sense is about the stuff outside.
How are these connected is about ‘what’s the connection, for you, about the things we are thinking about – and that often leads to what’s the connection in you’ – and that’s where change can happen.
Great question – and I appreciate it wasn’t as clear as it could have been so appreciate your feedback

3D Juggling 687: We don’t need coaches

Claire writes: ‘The world and the workplace don’t need coaches. We simply need people who can think and think creatively. Some of us can get there more easily is we are in the company of another.

I always think that the most value in conversations I have with people is what happens in the hour (or week) after they have left… when the flow of their thinking starts making the most difference.

The real coaching happens after the session is over!’

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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