Tag: transformation

3D Ideas 795: Magic

Claire writes: “One of this week’s delegates says it better than me: “Coaching isn’t a technique. It clears distractions and gets to the heart of the matter.

It’s been amazing to watch people understand things in a different way. If you were watching a video of Transforming Conversations this week you might say you saw magic happen in many of the conversations going on. But when we start using language like magic, we need to be cautious of power. Coaching is not doing something to someone else. The coach or manager is not a magician. A coaching style works because at a deep level we are exploring your question together and you are getting to the heart of it. When conversations are transformational, you can see something change in the space we have created between us in the conversation we are having together. If you think that came from me, it takes away some of your power and potential. It’s yours!”

If you want to learn to have more transformational conversations, talk to us. There is one space left on this year’s open Transforming Conversations course.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 790: Punctuation

A very Happy Christmas to you from the 3D Coaching Team. We are shutting up shop on 20th December and will be back on Monday 8th January. Book onto any of our online training before 4pm Wednesday 20th December 2017 and get 15% off.

Claire writes: “Thanks to Julia who responded to last week’s blog – ‘Perhaps we should be talking about jive conversations as well as live ones! Thinking about it – the other thing about music is that the pause is often as important as the note – if you listen to Jacquelin du Pre playing the Elgar cello concerto the wonderful thing that brings it to life is partly the pause or hesitation before a note – it makes it electrifying.’

A great conversation is appropriately punctuated. An electrifying pause brings challenge and insight. An ‘I don’t know what to ask you next’ pause is stilted and make me stop someone thinking. The best interventions are often very short – they just need to keep the thinking flowing.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 760: Another Way?

Claire writes: “Two great reminders this week.  The first is that either/or doesn’t always help us decide.  Considering options as either this or that or something else (that I haven’t thought of yet) can enable more creative thinking.

Secondly I am still overwhelmed by the power of moving when someone is stuck and lacking ideas or energy or both.  Thanks to an insight from John Whittington about place markers, someone on last week’s Transforming Conversations made a significant shift from combining these two simple insights

I don’t actually know what they were talking about, but the thinker was so stuck that the coach moved in her chair to try and unstick thinking. He was still stuck.  So she invited the thinker to draw what he was thinking – and what emerged was an either/or line.  She looked at me with a ‘what on earth do I do now look’.  I picked up three cushions from the sofa where they were sitting and threw them on the ground in a triangle saying ‘if this represents either and this represents or… and (placing the third cushion) this represents something else you haven’t thought of yet…’ Before I had finished, her thinker had dismissed going near either of the first two cushions and placed himself firmly on the third. As I walked away and left them to do the work I heard him say: ‘So THIS is my question – what is this?’.

 

Getting people to move and stand can move thinking forward significantly and quickly.  And this experience underlines the value, I think, of learning by doing even more than from theory.”

 

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 743: Move Again

face-636092_1280Claire writes: “We train people to use the simplest learning from coaching to transform the conversations they have at work.  And we are always learning simpler things ourselves! Last week it was how you can apply the simple idea of movement in selection. This is the email I received:

 

Interviewing today, all day. 
Down to two candidates. It’s 5.00pm
Panel of seven, back and forth we go 
Stuck we are, round and round the table we go, an hour is almost past and still we cannot break the stalemate. 
And then I remember my training!
Quoting your name as one does a patron saint I boldly declare “You have three seconds decide, in the left corner of the room it’s Jane in the right its Tim…3,2,1 move”
Three of us for Jane one for Tim and 3 undecided. 
Resolution in 2 minutes as they decide where and with whom to stand

 

Another great example of how getting out of our heads and moving can help us think more clearly.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 729: Connections

Claire writes:  “spider-web-with-water-beads-921039_1280It’s interesting how often people come to talk with a handful of separate things… which are almost always connected.
And as Nick Smith said,
  • How are these related? is story
  • What’s the connection? is about the person
Connection is a useful question as that’s often where the transformation will emerge.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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Some feedback we received: Don’t really get this! If you’ve time for a short elaboration, would be very grateful.
Our  response:
Interestingly you’re the only person who has asked – so thank you for that.

It comes, I think, from the fact that we spend a great deal of time talking to problems rather than people.  How are those related I sense is about the stuff outside.
How are these connected is about ‘what’s the connection, for you, about the things we are thinking about – and that often leads to what’s the connection in you’ – and that’s where change can happen.
Great question – and I appreciate it wasn’t as clear as it could have been so appreciate your feedback

3D Juggling 687: We don’t need coaches

Claire writes: ‘The world and the workplace don’t need coaches. We simply need people who can think and think creatively. Some of us can get there more easily is we are in the company of another.

I always think that the most value in conversations I have with people is what happens in the hour (or week) after they have left… when the flow of their thinking starts making the most difference.

The real coaching happens after the session is over!’

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 686: Impact and intention

Claire writes: “We judge ourselves on our intention. If my intention is good, what I say is good. Except that my colleague judges me on the impact of what I have said. If it lands badly, we may take some hours, days or years to get over that. That’s why real play is useful. This means saying what we are thinking we might say out loud and hearing it to get a sense of whether its impact is what we intended.

Invite your colleague to try it out at different temperatures – say it in a very safe way. Now try it in a really challenging way.

  • Only a few groundrules
  • This works better if you stand up
  • We aren’t acting – and you are not taking the role of the person they are thinking of – you are just a face to talk to
  • For safety, it can be useful to put your hand up and move away so they are talking to your hand
  • Ask then – how did that sound – anything you want to change?

It might only take two or three goes, and it can make a significant difference to the quality of their conversation when it happens”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 677: Eye to Eye

Claire writes: “We got a call the other day from someone who had decided to apply for a new role and wanted some support in thinking about what skills and experience he brings so that he could make a useful application.

Two days later he rang back and cancelled. By looking the opportunity in the eye, and committing to apply, he had recognised that this was not for him at the moment.

It’s easy to wonder from a distance. It’s easier to decide if you look it in the eye. So a useful coaching question can be ‘Go on then’ … ‘How does that feel?’ It is a way of looking a choice in the eye in the room (as long as you work to look an opposite choice in the eye as well!)

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 676: Double Time

Claire writes: ‘When I do a coaching demonstration at training events, I invite the person who has been coached to go and sit alone while everyone else reflects on what they have observed. It’s a boundary we keep to help them stay safe and keep everyone else from finishing the story!

Yet what I observe is that the transformation continues while they are sat alone – and they always know new things at the end of the silence than they did at the end of the coaching. Some people write pages of new thinking!

When Nick coaches, he recommends that people put post-reflection time alone in after the conversation to continue thinking. Coaching is a process. A session is a very small part of it. Free time adds value!
© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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Transformational Questions – a conversation

A conversation for church leaders about transformational questions – with our friend Val Hastings from Coaching4Clergy