Tag: Contracting

3D Ideas 803: Coaching and Dementia

Claire writes: “It’s great to get feedback from people on our courses. Listen to what happened in someone’s 10 minute conversation. This was in church. It could equally have been at the GP’s surgery or with a neighbour.

‘You may think that the end of a church service when there is still more to come and the vicar has to rush onwards is not the best time to coach someone. However, a 10 minute conversation was clearly life-changing for someone recently diagnosed with Dementia. Caught between family pressures, choices of medication and the consequences of both, and in the confusing, frightening shock of the diagnosis, she wanted to talk about this. My immediate offer was “Yes we can talk – either now for 10 minutes or next week for half an hour at some point”.

Her choice of time and place and my setting a clear contract from the start. In 10 minutes of quiet, stood up, with direct questions, the nutshell problem and feelings were articulated and so she felt clearer about her feelings, her dilemma and was able to put aside the feeling of being caught and not knowing how to proceed. Just articulating the problem of her choices gave her back a sense of control. She was then able to talk clearly to her family later and they together resolved the problems at that point. I suspect half an hour would have been her invitation to me to join her in her pit, but 10 minutes gave us a sense of purpose in how this conversation needed to change something for her now. I was sure there were more conversations to follow and some sympathy needed, but at that point she needed not sympathy but clarity and control, and a quick to-the-point, coaching conversation was the best way forward.’

This works!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Ideas 799: Laundry Basket

Claire writes: “Alan describes the conversations we have as a place to help someone sort through their mountain of laundry. The role of the coach – and indeed the mentor, supervisor or manager (usually) is not to wash their clothes – but to support someone else to sort stuff out enough that they can move forward themselves. And to notice when they choose to leave somes stuff at the bottom of the basket.

That’s why ‘What would you like to think about?’ can be a more useful question than the one that implies ‘What do you want me to do?’. If you are a manager who feels like they are always doing the washing, it might be worth changing the question!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 780: Coddiwomple

Claire writes: “Coddiwomple, Sam tells me, means to travel purposefully towards a vague destination. I love that – because like others I am often unclear where I want to head when I am being coached. And, indeed, our business plan is more about direction than destination. Not everyone likes goals or targets, so it’s useful to remember that when we are working out in a conversation (or contracting)

  • what are we doing
  • how are we going to do it
  • how will we know we have done it

that a sense that we’ll feel it can be enough. It’s still important to be clear what we are doing – even if that’s to agree that we don’t know and that it will emerge! For some of us, ‘to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive’ (Robert Louis Stevenson)

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 725: How Does It Affect Me?

cake-406483_1280Claire writes: “‘Let’s take the broad view’, my Dad used to joke: ‘How does it affect me?’
Seriously, though – conversations often get stuck for that reason – and we don’t always notice.  We like noticing layers as we are listening
  • Society
  • Organisation
  • Group
  • Individual
If you ask a question from a different layer, it can open up the conversation in a very constructive way.  ‘What do your patients need?’ has a different response from ‘what do you need?’ Both are valid.
[If anyone can source SOGI we’d love to hear from you – it’s not original to us and have tried several academic routes only to find out that they don’t know where it came from either!]
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Juggling 704: Purposeful Conversations

tacks-949144_1280Nick writes: “When did you last have a great conversation at work? I’ve noticed that frustration and fatigue often arise from conversations and meetings that lack focus, that feel pointless, that lack purpose. It’s one of the main reasons why there is so much cynicism about meetings in organisations.

Now while different types of conversation are appropriate for different relationships and situations, questions that tease out purpose can be very powerful. They surface assumptions and create opportunity to discuss and agree on what would be worthwhile.

Here are some purpose-focused questions: Why are we here? What are we here to do? What would make this time useful? What is the goal we’re trying to achieve? What would a great outcome look and feel like? What do we want to be different by the end of this conversation?

We can use purpose-focused questions at the start of a meeting or mid-way through if we start to notice drift or confusion. ‘Let’s just remind ourselves what we’re here to do…where we’re trying to get to.’ Focusing and re-focusing can energise our conversations and ensure great results. (And it’s a coaching approach: people feel heard, something is known at the end that was known at the beginning that will make a (positive) difference to what is done or known or felt.)”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 657: Time

Claire writes: ‘So you have a limited time and a colleague wants help thinking something through.  Do you tell them? Or do you leave them unclear about whether or not you might just need to rush away.  In that context, saying ‘I have 5 minutes – what would be useful for us to do now?’ can be received as very supportive – and may mean that not every conversation needs to reappear as a 1-1 in your diaries later on.

We notice that asking the time question second in a conversation really helps focus on what’s useful to talk about.  Notice the difference between what seems natural:

A: We have half an hour – what do we need to talk about?
B: I want to talk about changing the world
A: What have you done already?
… 25 minutes later… you’re still talking about what’s been done…

And changing the order:

A: What do we need to talk about today?
B: I want to talk about changing the world
A: Given that we have half an hour, what part of changing the world would it be useful to focus on?
B: SILENCE – actually what I need from you today is…

This is a great tool in any conversation, not just coaching.

Principle 1: Contract for time as well as subject

© 2014 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
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3D Juggling 602: Of Tandem Riding

The next coaching masterclass is about creating awareness – 25th Feb at 5pm on a teleconference call for an hour.  Are you joining us?

Claire writes: “The start of a conversation is, I think, critical.  Are we clear enough about what we are here to do, how we are going to do it, and how we will know we have?  Even if that is to be clear and transparent that we simply need to talk, with no agenda.

That’s what we encourage on all our courses.  A delegate on a recent course said that an acronym would help him remember, and he came up with STORS.  Developing that, we have started to use STOKeRS which is what I introduced on a course yesterday, when someone said – ‘Did you know a stoker is the person on the back of a tandem?’ Their role is as a motor. They should be able to generate more power than a rider on a single bike – either keeping some in reserve or with a burst of power for the climbs. And the stoker never steers!  STOKeRS can help in many different 1-1s – not just coaching conversations:
S – what subject/s are we talking about today (managers can add some of their own as well as colleagues)
T – in the time we have, what is it we really need to talk about (especially useful if subject is large or complex)
O – Outcome – what would you (we) like to be different by the end of this conversation
K – how will you (we) know we have done that?
R – what’s my role?
S – where shall we start?

It feels artificial, but we notice if you get enough clarity, the conversation is easier and more effective for all.  Try it!  And feel free to share it (…we’d appreciate if you credited 3D)”

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com