Category: ICF 03 Trust and Intimacy

3D Ideas 783: Capacity and Capability

Claire writes: “In conversation preparing for today’s Group Coaching training, I wrote down

If we pin down the content too much, we undervalue the capacity of the group to be generative

It can also undervalue the experience, knowledge and skill they bring. When we are training, we rarely teach people things they don’t know. What we do is name things they don’t know that they know so that in future they can draw on that more intentionally.

The same is true for managers and staff.  When we don’t listen, we undervalue people’s capacity and capability.  Listen to Tom Peters exploring whether we are an 18 second leader, manager (or doctor, or vicar, or…)”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Ideas 781: Me or Us

Claire writes: “Noticing what’s going on in conversations is much easier when we are observing than when we are in the thick of it. I have known for a long time that being useful is more effective than being helpful. This week, in conversation, there was some useful insight into what makes that true.

  • When I say “Is this helpful?” I may be implying “Am I being helpful?”
  • When I say “Is this useful?” I am asking “Is what we are doing together useful?”

It’s not about what I do that makes a conversation useful – it’s about what we do together.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Ideas 780: Coddiwomple

Claire writes: “Coddiwomple, Sam tells me, means to travel purposefully towards a vague destination. I love that – because like others I am often unclear where I want to head when I am being coached. And, indeed, our business plan is more about direction than destination. Not everyone likes goals or targets, so it’s useful to remember that when we are working out in a conversation (or contracting)

  • what are we doing
  • how are we going to do it
  • how will we know we have done it

that a sense that we’ll feel it can be enough. It’s still important to be clear what we are doing – even if that’s to agree that we don’t know and that it will emerge! For some of us, ‘to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive’ (Robert Louis Stevenson)

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 770: Broken connection

Claire writes: ‘It was the first session of a new practicum where people come to a webinar to listen and observe coaching to enhance their learning. A new group. And a new way of learning for most of them.
The coach was doing a great job. And the thinker’s connection went.  She had to reconnect.  This took two or three minutes.  I said to the coach ‘don’t apologise just ask where are you now?’ The thinker was still thinking as she reconnected and the conversation continued to flow. To have said ‘I’m so sorry. What happened? Let me recap’ would have interrupted her thinking and taken it backwards. (Of course if she’d said I don’t know remind me that would have been fine).
A coaching style is about a flow of thinking.  A bit of a gap isn’t a bad thing!’
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com   Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 769: Afterwards

Claire writes: ‘We demonstrate coaching a lot. Which means that the person who has been thinking is still in the room after the conversation is over. For safety and so that the group doesn’t get back into their stuff, we ask them to sit out.

I have noticed that while the rest of the group are talking about what they saw, the thinker invariably starts writing or looks out of the window. And when you ask them if they have made another leap in their thinking, they almost always have. After its over! The more I think about this I wonder whether it’s because is over. The contract is closed, and then the shift happens.
If we keep extending our conversation what are we actually saying? That they need us in order to think? They don’t. Our presence is a catalyst, a support and a challenge. They are more capable than we are of doing the rest!’
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd  May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 767: Omni-Not

Claire writes: “A delegate last week was delighted to discover that they were not going to need to abandon everything they have ever done and only use coaching. Coaching is not the right way to have every conversation.  Whilst working online with a couple of people who were feeling the aftershocks of an earthquake, coaching was not the right medium.  They needed to leave the building!
However, there are some useful things from the principles of coaching that can be applied more widely.  The most important one is this: Ask them! By that we mean, instead of taking the lead and deciding the best way to have a conversation – when there are choices to be made it can be even more powerful to Show the Working out and say ‘We could do this or this or that… which might be the most useful for you?’
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 766: Complexity

Claire writes: A reflection after last week’s blog: “I went into last week’s events thinking about power.  At the UKICF coaching conference, it was interesting to notice the hunger for models and things.  A Transforming Conversations course for the rest of the week brought plenty of dialogue and lots of learning.  Which leaves me with some questions:
  • If I can make what I do look complex, do I assume that it increases my value and status?
  • If I use language that is complicated, does it make me think that you will think that I am an expert or know what I am talking about?

 

If it’s possible to get a slapped wrist on Twitter, I have had one.  The night before giving a keynote at a conference about coaching being Deeply Simple, I had a drink in the bar with someone who is very well known in the world of coaching and organisations.  He told me that he’d done some research into things that are simple and not simplistic and come up with a useful word to describe it – simplexity.  Flattered that he liked my subject and agreed with me on the importance of simplicity, I tweeted about it.  Only to receive a tweet: ‘Oh dear, what happened to clean, easy language.  We should be role modelling this in #coaching, in my opinion.’

 

I am increasingly of the view that when we are complicated about things that can be simple, we are taking the power.  It’s easy to be complicated.  It not easy to be simple.  And it works!”

 

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 750: More tandem facts

Claire writes: ‘Since we came up with STOKeRS as an acronym for a great way to start a conversation, it was only a matter of days before we also learned that this is the name for the person on the back of a tandem.  And there is plenty of learning for us to apply to a coaching style from conversations from tandem riders.
Philip says:
“The Stoker  The rear rider is commonly known as the “stoker… The rear rider is not a “passenger”, but is an equal participant. The stoker has two main responsibilities: 
  • The stoker serves mainly as a motor. Since the stoker is not called upon to control the bike, this rider should be able to actually generate more power than the same rider would on a single bike. Depending on the strength and endurance of the stoker, this may take the form of a steady output or may be held in reserve. If the stoker is acting as a “reserve,” it is OK to take it easy for general cruising, so long as the stoker can help out with a burst of power for the climbs. Since starting up on a tandem is a bit trickier than on a single, the stoker should apply as much smooth power as possible when starting up, to get the bike up to manoeuvring speed quickly. 
  • The stoker’s other major responsibility is a negative one: The stoker must not attempt to steer! Unpredictable weight shifts on the part of the stoker can make the captain’s job much harder, and can lead to crashes, in extreme cases. The stoker should keep in line with the centreline of the bicycle, and lean with it as it leans through corners. A stoker must shift position on the saddle, or adjust a toe strap, or take a drink without disturbing the equilibrium of the bicycle. These activities should not be attempted at all while the captain is dealing with tricky traffic situations or narrow spaces. The stoker can also do a bit of back rubbing now and then, as well as taking photographs, singing encouraging songs, reading maps, etc. “
Useful?”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 745: In the Gap

snail-1447233_1920Claire writes: “I’m just back from three great development days with John Whittington.  The learning from that is for later… but it was good to practice and to have others stimulate my thinking.  It was particularly good to experience again for myself that the greatest learning often happens as a result of coaching – after it is over. It did – and it’s still emerging.

 

Which is why I often remind people to take time after we have met to continue their thinking; why it’s useful to have space after a thinking conversation rather than slip into yet another meeting; and why I may be useful and it’s not about me and what I do.  The best insights for you will come later.”

 

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 736: Partnership

connect-20333_1920Claire writes: “Call centres often drive me bananas.  They probably drive many of the people who work there bananas, too.  So often I feel done to as they read out a set of pre-formed questions – none of which seem to get us any closer to solving my problem.  And then last week I find myself speaking to someone who wants to work with me to help resolve my questions, laughs and helps me get to where I need to be.

Partnership.  It’s useful. My name is Claire and I’m a person.  I like people treating me like a person.  And that’s why I am increasingly averse in this world of coaching and mentoring to any of the ee words – coachee, supervisee, mentee, (or client).  Because I am a person, and I listen to people. I don’t do things to them.  We work in partnership to get where they need to be.
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email