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Tag: transformation

3D Ideas 911: She Did It!

News: Sue Appleton, our stalwart administrator will be leaving 3D Coaching at the end of October after 14 wonderful years. Our gratitude is immeasurable and we wish her happiness in her new life. Ness Callis is taking up the reins! Meanwhile, you’ll need to wait for the third blog on transformation because we have some of our own to share. Ruth has just completed a virtual marathon. If you’d like to donate to her chosen charity VICTA you can do that here. 

Ruth writes: “10 years ago I couldn’t imagine running for more than 30 seconds at a time.  Yesterday I ran my first ever marathon.

When I think of that, I still can’t quite believe what I have just done! I’m not the ‘right’ build for running and yet I made a decision that I would try it and bit by bit my perseverance has paid off. 

My brother bought me a medal rack for my birthday that says “She believed she could and so she did”, I look at that and wonder what else I can do? We all achieve things in life we once didn’t think was possible. I never thought I could run, I never thought I could earn a living as a coach, I never thought I could raise (as of today) 2 teenagers on my own: we are so much stronger get than we give ourselves credit for.

So today, I am choosing to believe that I can. And my hope is that that will inspire my kids to grow up believing they can too.”

Ⓒ 3D Coaching Ltd 2020

May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com If you would like to get this by email every week, you can do that here!

3D Ideas 910: Insights

Claire writes: ‘So this week’s insight about transformation also builds on Maurice Maeterlink’s comment that: “It is far more important that one’s life should be perceived than that it should be transformed; for no sooner has it been perceived, than it transforms itself of its own accord.” 

If coaching is about people getting new insights into their own stuff, the simplest thing to do is to ask them:

  • ‘And the insight?’
  • or ‘Now you know that…?’

And of course not everyone has insights while they are talking to us. I work with someone who is a really pacy thinker.  She does all the work the day before we meet because she can see we have a meeting scheduled.  Our conversation simply lands the insights she had yesterday.  For many people, the most significant learning or insights happen after the conversation is over… when we land the conversation well (and that is still part of the process!)’

This is part of 3D’s philosophy of coaching. You can get them all as a postcard set from our shop.  

Ⓒ 3D Coaching Ltd 2020

May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com If you would like to get this by email every week, you can do that here!

3D Ideas 909: You’ve said it now

Claire writes: “If we aspire to work transformationally, how do we do that? I’ll be sharing some ideas over the next three weeks.  They are all built on Maurice Maeterlink’s perceptive comment that: “It is far more important that one’s life should be perceived than that it should be transformed; for no sooner has it been perceived, than it transforms itself of its own accord.”

Saying something out loud might be enough to catalyse transformation. That is why I often say to people ‘You’ve said it now – that might be enough’. Optimistic, realistic and demonstrating that I believe they can do this. If more work or deeper work needs to be done to reach more significant change we can talk about that later. Let’s see what happens first.”

Ⓒ 3D Coaching Ltd 2020

May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com If you would like to get this by email every week, you can do that here!

3D Ideas 850: Make it your own

Linda recently completed Transforming Conversations and made it her own.  She emailed us to say:I just wanted to let you know how useful I’ve found the learning from the course… it does just what it says on the tin and has transformed the recent conversations I’ve been having.

The last few weeks I’ve spent visiting my mum in hospital.  She has been terminally ill for some time and died at the end of April. Not an easy time, but I found myself remembering and making good use of all that I have discovered on the course

  • ‘How do I know what my mum means when she says she doesn’t want to be in the hospice?’ – Ask her!
  • ‘What do I want to get from my brief talk with the consultant – how will I know I’ve got what I wanted to know – where do I start – how do we do this?’
  • ‘How do I frame a question in fewer words?’

And in the hospice the ‘moving while talking’ thing was so useful with my family – getting out of the room helped us when we felt stuck and had no answers.

Yesterday I had a particularly awful meeting with a so-called personal banker at <a bank> to release some money from my mum’s account to pay for her funeral.  The man I met with didn’t use my name, didn’t introduce himself, didn’t refer to my mum or her death at all during our time together. It was really bad – but while he was away photocopying the paperwork I had time to frame my question for him. At the end I stayed sitting in my seat and he turned back to his computer screen.  He looked a bit surprised that I was still there and said ‘right – that’s it, we’re done now’ – ie you can go.   No end to the conversation, no goodbye. So I told him that my Mum had worked for <the bank> for thirty-five years and asked him how he might rate his compassion towards me on a scale of one to ten – and if he had another meeting like this maybe he’d try to do a bit better? As I walked away he shouted ‘sorry’ to me.

It felt very good not to get angry so thank you for all the wisdom you have shared and for the change that it brings about – maybe in an unexpected way.”

© 2019 3D Coaching Ltd

May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com If you would like to get this by email every week, you can do that here!

 

3D Ideas 824: Transformation

Claire writes: ‘What a privilege to train people to increase the likelihood of their having transformational conversations! It’s not possible to ensure that every conversation you have engenders deep transformation. But we work with people to help them to lose the habits that prevent it from happening. Our definition of transformation is that someone understand something in a new way that makes a significant difference to what they do or think or feel. Hawkins and Smith call it ‘a shift in the room’. Others call it a lightbulb moment.

I saw transformation happen the other day in training and someone in the group quoted WB Yeats ‘All are changed. Changed utterly’. This always requires bravery – after all if someone has deep transformation, the conversation you thought you were having has moved not only to a new page – but possibly a new chapter!

And the first step? Listen with your eyes. You’ll see it in a flicker way before you hear it.”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 810: Oh!

Claire writes: ‘The room was full of midwives and other health professionals. They weren’t really sure why they had come to the day… and suddenly one lady piped up: ‘OH!’

I begin every single thing I say to my direct reports with a version of ‘what do you want me to do for you?’ and then when I get home at night, I wonder why I worked so hard and seemed to take on everyone else’s stuff?”, she said… “I told them to give it to me, didn’t I?”

She went away, committed to starting conversations with her direct reports with: “what would you like us to think about today?” It’s not, of course, that she will never help or give solutions. It’s just that she committed in that moment of insight to start with seeing if they could work it out for themselves first.’

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 809: Quality Space

Claire writes: “Unexpectedly, yesterday, I received a phone call postponing a piece of work that would have taken most of today. Suddenly the diary opened up and with some thinking space. I was also talking with Ruth, one of our coaches, and she was asking questions that were helping me to look at some of our processes in a new way.

That’s all we do as coaches – we keep people company while they think. And often what happens is that they begin to know something at the end that they didn’t know at the beginning of the conversation that will make a significant difference to what they do or think or feel.

There is something transformational about containing time and getting focused. Some people find that easy and energising to do on their own. Some can do it on their own if they are in the right physical space. And some people find it useful to have a thinking partner. What’s your preference?

And if you’d like to have a conversation like that with one of us, you know where we are!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 802: Completely Lost

Claire writes: “As professionals – in whatever field we work in – we learn that we need to know what we are doing. What I continue to learn is that I almost never know what we are doing in a conversation, and my role is to be brave and hold my nerve.

We spend several days a week training people to have transformational conversations (where you can see in someone’s eyes or their body that something significant has shifted). And what happens next? Firstly the facilitator of the conversation turns to us with a surprised ‘how did that happen?’ look… and then we often see a look of panic that says ‘Help! I have absolutely no idea what to do now’. That loss of control is scary. And transformation is significant. Of course we are completely lost – something fundamental has changed. Thank goodness for the question ‘Where are we now?'”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Sign up to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 795: Magic

Claire writes: “One of this week’s delegates says it better than me: “Coaching isn’t a technique. It clears distractions and gets to the heart of the matter.

It’s been amazing to watch people understand things in a different way. If you were watching a video of Transforming Conversations this week you might say you saw magic happen in many of the conversations going on. But when we start using language like magic, we need to be cautious of power. Coaching is not doing something to someone else. The coach or manager is not a magician. A coaching style works because at a deep level we are exploring your question together and you are getting to the heart of it. When conversations are transformational, you can see something change in the space we have created between us in the conversation we are having together. If you think that came from me, it takes away some of your power and potential. It’s yours!”

If you want to learn to have more transformational conversations, talk to us. There is one space left on this year’s open Transforming Conversations course.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 790: Punctuation

A very Happy Christmas to you from the 3D Coaching Team. We are shutting up shop on 20th December and will be back on Monday 8th January. Book onto any of our online training before 4pm Wednesday 20th December 2017 and get 15% off.

Claire writes: “Thanks to Julia who responded to last week’s blog – ‘Perhaps we should be talking about jive conversations as well as live ones! Thinking about it – the other thing about music is that the pause is often as important as the note – if you listen to Jacquelin du Pre playing the Elgar cello concerto the wonderful thing that brings it to life is partly the pause or hesitation before a note – it makes it electrifying.’

A great conversation is appropriately punctuated. An electrifying pause brings challenge and insight. An ‘I don’t know what to ask you next’ pause is stilted and make me stop someone thinking. The best interventions are often very short – they just need to keep the thinking flowing.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

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