A very Happy Christmas to you from the 3D Coaching Team. We are shutting up shop on 20th December and will be back on Monday 8th January. Book onto any of our online training before 4pm Wednesday 20th December 2017 and get 15% off.
Claire writes: “Thanks to Julia who responded to last week’s blog – ‘Perhaps we should be talking about jive conversations as well as live ones! Thinking about it – the other thing about music is that the pause is often as important as the note – if you listen to Jacquelin du Pre playing the Elgar cello concerto the wonderful thing that brings it to life is partly the pause or hesitation before a note – it makes it electrifying.’
A great conversation is appropriately punctuated. An electrifying pause brings challenge and insight. An ‘I don’t know what to ask you next’ pause is stilted and make me stop someone thinking. The best interventions are often very short – they just need to keep the thinking flowing.”
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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Claire writes: “‘I haven’t got any problems so I have nothing to bring!’ is something we often hear from delegates on our training courses or in action learning sets. Edgy thinking space doesn’t need to be a problem solving space. It’s a rich opportunity to explore learning, development, to look at work situations from a different place, to grow, to be challenged and to challenge ourselves.
© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email
Claire writes: ‘My keynote talk at the South West Councils Coaching Conference this month was all about the similarity between coaching and Masterchef. So as they go into the final week, what makes a winner?
Claire writes: “Last week was an interesting one. Invited to speak at a coaching conference about simplicity, I met a man who talks about phenomology and virtual reality in coaching. Then I read a piece in Jason Fox’s ‘The Gamechanger’ about imagining yourself playing a game in which you are a character. Both are really insightful, simple – and mindblowingly complex!The simple version is that when we can see what’s happening from a different perspective, there is plenty to learn and the potential to make different choices. As we keep someone company in their thinking, the best support we can offer is to hold the thinking space with them which enables them to notice what needs to be noticed. We don’t need to hold their stuff or to get stuck in it with them.”
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Claire writes: ‘In a one to one we do what we normally do in the conversations we have most often. The difference between what sounds like instruction and what is intended to be inquiry is tiny, is received differently, and subtly moves the centre of expertise:
Claire writes: “We take many roles in 1-1s which are similar and different. When we sit in the same chair, we are more likely to have the same conversation. So whether you are a GP, hospital consultant, vicar, or manager – if you are going to have a different kind of conversation, it’s worth thinking about sitting in a different seat. The man who told me ‘I’m not the expert – but they want me to be’ has decided to swap seats mid conversation if he needs to say ‘I’m not the expert – if you think this is the expert chair, come and sit in it’.
Ahmar is a trained counsellor and a coach. In a masterclass recently, he noticed that in coaching he was listening with his eyes more than his ears. Watching him work, we observed that where counsellors might be still and sit back while they are listening, great coaches often lean in and are more provocative and pacy – even when they are using the same words
All roles are valuable. Whether the conversation is sensitive or pragmatic, being clear together what is the most useful way to talk now makes all the difference.”
Claire writes: “Acronyms help remember things. A group in Leicester challenged themselves to work out how to make a good ending to a conversation. They came up with CALF:
That final question is interesting. Notice where the responsibility sits when you say ‘Have we finished?’ rather than ‘I think we have finished’. It’s useful.
David Clutterbuck’s Four Is are also a useful end to a conversation – especially if notes need to be made together:
After all, a great end is as important as a great beginning.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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Claire writes: “Listen to many work conversations and, whether it’s about staff or volunteers, a lot of time is consumed in conversations is outside of the control of anyone in the room. It might be interesting. It might evoke emotions – positive or negative. And it’s outside your control.
The most productive conversations happen when we notice that, contain the time engaged in talking about it and focus on what’s in your gift. It’s often less exciting, because hearing and hypothesising about what a third party did or thinks or feels can be interesting! And less useful”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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Claire writes: “It’s a great privilege to spend much of our weeks observing other people having conversations – there is so much to be learned.
I am noticing that even open questions have a scale of openness!
If I ask ‘What else?’ you might think I assume you are missing something out. It’s the same with ‘Something else?’. It’s interesting that ‘Anything else?’ is the only one received as open.
And ‘Anything else?’ or ‘?’ are both great questions to help people go deeper into their thinking.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email
Claire writes: “Call them Freudian slips, or mistakes, or what you like… but sometimes what slips out can be useful information. At a recent training day, one of the delegates observed that learning about our strokers acronym was really useful.
STOKeRS is about supporting another person to take responsibility. It’s ironic that STROKING is what happens so often in organisations – we fear saying what we see, we want to make someone feel better, and we want to be liked. What emerges may look supportive but in reality what the organisation needs is support and challenge together.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email
