Category: ICF 01 Meeting Ethical Guidelines

3D Ideas 837: It’s Not Magic

Claire writes: “This thing we do, that we call coaching, changes lives and organisations. It’s also not magic. It’s not weird.  And it’s not me doing something to you. If your experience is that’s what has happened in a conversation, be astute.

A coaching style is having a conversation with someone.  What’s weird is that it’s a conversation between two people about one person.  Be normal! What’s distinctive is that when we learn to stop doing all the things that stop transformation happening, the results can be extraordinary.

So if you’re using a coaching style at work, there is no need to start calling your colleague a client or a coachee.  They are a person. And if you want to try this way of working out, ‘Would it be useful to have a different kind of conversation?’ is a great start!”

© 2019 3D Coaching Ltd

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3D Ideas 817: Peer Review

Claire writes: “We are back at our desks after a slow summer and time to think. I’ve been thinking a lot about how professionals grow and develop – whatever their area of work. Professional Development can be about skill or knowledge or a combination of the two. Some questions I find useful are:

  • What (or who) am I developing for?
  • Therefore – what is the most useful thing I can do that will serve that?

In coaching, I hope that we are developing so that we can better serve the people who come to us to think and explore and be challenged and to serve the organisations, communities and societies where they work. That’s why we value professional accreditation where people are willing to work on their skills, be heard having real conversations, and receive robust and supportive feedback.

Any development we do is ultimately in service of those with whom we work and the value of working with real observable data is enormous. So much so that I am wondering about inviting those who come for supervision to also bring a recording of a live session they have had. Recording real conversations with real people has ethical implications that need to be managed carefully. And whatever our profession – doctor, manager, supervisor, leader, priest… it is a very useful way of becoming more effective. It’s scary too… but there is a limit to the effectiveness that comes from only bringing self-reported data to our professional development.

I’m not the only one who has been thinking about this over the summer – congratulations to 3D’s Sam Walker, and to Mandy and Jenny who have also trained with 3D and been awarded the Associate Certified Coach credential from the International Coach Federation during the last few weeks.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 807: What’s It For?

Claire writes: “GDPR – decluttering for data – is trending as a discussion topic in the UK this month! We realise we have always been hot on privacy. And we also haven’t paid enough attention in the past to what we are keeping data for. So although it’s been a pain, that ‘what’s this for?’ question is proving useful as we streamline our processes. If you want to know what we are thinking, it’s here.

If you’re looking for some kind of external support, the ‘what’s it for?’ question is also useful. We encourage people to have a triage conversation with someone if you’re not sure what you’re looking for – because there isn’t a one size fits all for coaching. You may be looking for

  • an external thinking partner to meet a few times a year
  • someone to travel with you through the transition into a new role
  • a one off conversation to enable you to look differently at a situation
  • something else

(This is also useful if you’re not sure whether coaching is for you or whether a talking therapy might be better. Rather than go on a waiting list and sign up to 6 sessions, a triage conversation can help you get clear on what you take where).

So if you or colleagues are looking for a coach, be clear on what you want to be different by the time the process is over and that will also help you know what you’re looking for. Getting what’s useful is more important than what a potential provider is offering, and indeed than chemistry. It will also save you time and money. Which is why we don’t have fixed term engagements – because we have no idea how long or how many conversations you might need until we start. One might be enough!”

PS We are also sharing new learning on our youtube channel if you’re interested!

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Ideas 806: Violins

Claire writes: “My overriding memory of my teenage homework years were crying at the dining room table with my books because our neighbour in the other half of our semi-detached house was practising the violin. I’d like to share joyful memories of recognisable tunes. Alas the boy who became a world famous violinist used to play the same two notes over and over again. Painful for my ears – and amazing for the audiences with whom he shared his musical talent.

Mastery – for musicians – is about drills and scales – breaking down their skill and getting brilliant one note at a time. Practice, and listening to what you’re doing is worth more than listening to CDs, orchestras and buying music books.

Most of us have conversations at work in one way or another. How many times have we heard – ‘your call is being recorded for training or monitoring purposes?’ That has a smack of big brother – but listening to how we do what we do every so often is an important part of getting better. This is especially true, I think, for coaching – practice makes perfect (well, great enough!).”

We have some mentor coaching groups starting up if you’re a coach and want to work on the way you have conversations in the room.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 799: Laundry Basket

Claire writes: “Alan describes the conversations we have as a place to help someone sort through their mountain of laundry. The role of the coach – and indeed the mentor, supervisor or manager (usually) is not to wash their clothes – but to support someone else to sort stuff out enough that they can move forward themselves. And to notice when they choose to leave somes stuff at the bottom of the basket.

That’s why ‘What would you like to think about?’ can be a more useful question than the one that implies ‘What do you want me to do?’. If you are a manager who feels like they are always doing the washing, it might be worth changing the question!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 795: Magic

Claire writes: “One of this week’s delegates says it better than me: “Coaching isn’t a technique. It clears distractions and gets to the heart of the matter.

It’s been amazing to watch people understand things in a different way. If you were watching a video of Transforming Conversations this week you might say you saw magic happen in many of the conversations going on. But when we start using language like magic, we need to be cautious of power. Coaching is not doing something to someone else. The coach or manager is not a magician. A coaching style works because at a deep level we are exploring your question together and you are getting to the heart of it. When conversations are transformational, you can see something change in the space we have created between us in the conversation we are having together. If you think that came from me, it takes away some of your power and potential. It’s yours!”

If you want to learn to have more transformational conversations, talk to us. There is one space left on this year’s open Transforming Conversations course.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 775: Weird Words

Claire writes: “The number one reason that people don’t apply what they are learning about coaching into every conversations at work is that they think it sounds weird to say: ‘Can I coach you?’. It probably does – and it sounds like you’re about to do something to someone. Given that coaching isn’t magic, and fundamentally is a conversation with someone that’s only about them, it can be used at work easily. It’s even great as triage – let’s talk about what kind of support you might need…

Some things people find work:

  • Shall we talk about that in a different way?
  • Would you like me to help you think about that?

Or if you’re worried about getting the contract right, give them a STOKeRS card and say – these questions might help us start our conversation well – why don’t you have a look and talk through them.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 764: I’m thinking

Claire writes: “Coaching isn’t about telling people what to do. Neither, actually, is mentoring. What you are thinking might be useful. Naturally we switch to questions like ‘Have you thought about…’ ‘Why don’t you…’ ‘What I would do is…’

It might be useful but leading them down your track might not. And you will only know if you ask. Not lead! Then don’t chase it if it isn’t! I was in dialogue with someone this week who was talking about starting a business. He talked a lot about what he was going to be selling. I was listening to the gaps so my question became: ‘As you’re talking I’m thinking about all kinds of questions – who are your customers? where will you find them? what will you say to them? have you done the Maths…?’ I guess that I was sharing my stream of consciousness. Of course he had thought about many – and picked up the one that needed some thinking aloud.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 726: The Difference

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Claire writes: “We take many roles in 1-1s which are similar and different. When we sit in the same chair, we are more likely to have the same conversation.  So whether you are a GP, hospital consultant, vicar, or manager – if you are going to have a different kind of conversation, it’s worth thinking about sitting in a different seat.  The man who told me ‘I’m not the expert – but they want me to be’ has decided to swap seats mid conversation if he needs to say ‘I’m not the expert – if you think this is the expert chair, come and sit in it’.

Ahmar is a trained counsellor and a coach.  In a masterclass recently, he noticed that in coaching he was listening with his eyes more than his ears.  Watching him work, we observed that where counsellors might be still and sit back while they are listening, great coaches often lean in and are more provocative and pacy – even when they are using the same words

All roles are valuable.  Whether the conversation is sensitive or pragmatic, being clear together what is the most useful way to talk now makes all the difference.”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 673: Gravy

Claire writes: ‘When I first started coaching in the 1980s, I worked with people who wanted to get involved in overseas aid and development work. We often talked about the balance of skill and knowledge and experience, and how an MA in Development Studies was probably not enough to work in a development project where people on the ground could do more for themselves than a Masters Graduate could.

There’s a lot of talk in the coaching world about knowledge – acquiring more theory and models. Yet that need for balance still stands – a balance of skill and knowledge and experience in equal measure.

A great conversation is like gravy. It may have begun with pans of vegetable water and juice from the meat… but it is most tasty when that’s been reduced to something very simple.’

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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