Category: ICF 08 Creating Awareness

3D Ideas 821: 80% Useless

Claire writes: “If only everything we said in conversations with others was useful! Except it isn’t. There is no such thing as a perfectly executed conversation.

One of the things that we observe is that at least 80% of what we notice in coaching conversations is without value. And about 20% is really useful. I have no idea which is which, so my role in a conversation is to lightly notice what I notice (with a question mark rather than a definite diagnostic tone), to not get precious when it misses and to notice when it lands deeply.

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.
R. D. Laing

And never apologise when it misses – your apology makes what you are saying about you and may block the moment where someone was just about to have an insight. Just move on!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 820: Beetroot

Claire writes: “We had a few parties over the summer and ended up with a fridge full of leftovers. My favourite is the beetroot and lentil salad. That means that when someone in the family says ‘What can I eat?’ and we go over to the fridge, I’m likely to point out the beetroot first! And probably keep pointing it out. Ellie doesn’t like it! What she wants to eat is probably tucked away at the back behind the big tub of… beetroot.

When we use a coaching style and are exploring, the exploring is in service of the thinker not the coach. Noticing is one of the greatest gifts we bring to coaching… as long as we notice together and don’t keep on noticing the beetroot!”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 795: Magic

Claire writes: “One of this week’s delegates says it better than me: “Coaching isn’t a technique. It clears distractions and gets to the heart of the matter.

It’s been amazing to watch people understand things in a different way. If you were watching a video of Transforming Conversations this week you might say you saw magic happen in many of the conversations going on. But when we start using language like magic, we need to be cautious of power. Coaching is not doing something to someone else. The coach or manager is not a magician. A coaching style works because at a deep level we are exploring your question together and you are getting to the heart of it. When conversations are transformational, you can see something change in the space we have created between us in the conversation we are having together. If you think that came from me, it takes away some of your power and potential. It’s yours!”

If you want to learn to have more transformational conversations, talk to us. There is one space left on this year’s open Transforming Conversations course.

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 792: The Least

Claire writes: “A very long time ago, I coached someone who had a tiny notebook and never had more than three things on his list. It’s not often like that. Many people we meet are overwhelmed by tasks and lists and stuff to be done. Which is why I love a question Alan used with me the other day:

What’s the least you need to do to make that happen?

The answer to that has been useful for me – hope it might be useful for you!?”

© 2018 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 790: Punctuation

A very Happy Christmas to you from the 3D Coaching Team. We are shutting up shop on 20th December and will be back on Monday 8th January. Book onto any of our online training before 4pm Wednesday 20th December 2017 and get 15% off.

Claire writes: “Thanks to Julia who responded to last week’s blog – ‘Perhaps we should be talking about jive conversations as well as live ones! Thinking about it – the other thing about music is that the pause is often as important as the note – if you listen to Jacquelin du Pre playing the Elgar cello concerto the wonderful thing that brings it to life is partly the pause or hesitation before a note – it makes it electrifying.’

A great conversation is appropriately punctuated. An electrifying pause brings challenge and insight. An ‘I don’t know what to ask you next’ pause is stilted and make me stop someone thinking. The best interventions are often very short – they just need to keep the thinking flowing.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 778: Connections

Don from Coaching at End of Life will be running 8 hours online training for us on Mondays 19.00-21.00 UK time starting 25th September for anyone who has done our 4 day programme or equivalent. Last chance this academic year.

blickpixel / Pixabay

Claire writes: “People often come to conversations with a list of stuff they want to talk about. More often than not, before launching into the list, a useful question can be: ‘What’s the connection?’. It enables the person to go beyond the symptoms and think about what’s behind the stuff.

It worked for someone brand new to coaching on Transforming Conversations last week, and has been useful getting underneath stuff with someone this morning. And if there isn’t a connection, don’t apologise – simply move on – it’s only taken a few seconds to ask”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 773: Change Chairs

Claire writes: ‘We have a sofa in our meeting room which usefully gives people a variety of choices where to sit. The other day someone came in, made themselves comfortable on the sofa and said that to be able to think they needed to download some difficult stuff first. Which they did.

Then they indicated that they were ready to move forward in their thinking. It felt heavy, so I invited them to move up to the other end of the sofa. What happened next was extraordinary. Any time that the past came up in her conversation, they said ‘but that belongs over there’. Which allowed them to own the stuff, and to move on.

That’s another example of where moving works. In his book Rest, Alex-Soojung-Kim-Pang explores some research about why that’s true – it has some interesting insights.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Ideas 764: I’m thinking

Claire writes: “Coaching isn’t about telling people what to do. Neither, actually, is mentoring. What you are thinking might be useful. Naturally we switch to questions like ‘Have you thought about…’ ‘Why don’t you…’ ‘What I would do is…’

It might be useful but leading them down your track might not. And you will only know if you ask. Not lead! Then don’t chase it if it isn’t! I was in dialogue with someone this week who was talking about starting a business. He talked a lot about what he was going to be selling. I was listening to the gaps so my question became: ‘As you’re talking I’m thinking about all kinds of questions – who are your customers? where will you find them? what will you say to them? have you done the Maths…?’ I guess that I was sharing my stream of consciousness. Of course he had thought about many – and picked up the one that needed some thinking aloud.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 760: Another Way?

Claire writes: “Two great reminders this week.  The first is that either/or doesn’t always help us decide.  Considering options as either this or that or something else (that I haven’t thought of yet) can enable more creative thinking.

Secondly I am still overwhelmed by the power of moving when someone is stuck and lacking ideas or energy or both.  Thanks to an insight from John Whittington about place markers, someone on last week’s Transforming Conversations made a significant shift from combining these two simple insights

I don’t actually know what they were talking about, but the thinker was so stuck that the coach moved in her chair to try and unstick thinking. He was still stuck.  So she invited the thinker to draw what he was thinking – and what emerged was an either/or line.  She looked at me with a ‘what on earth do I do now look’.  I picked up three cushions from the sofa where they were sitting and threw them on the ground in a triangle saying ‘if this represents either and this represents or… and (placing the third cushion) this represents something else you haven’t thought of yet…’ Before I had finished, her thinker had dismissed going near either of the first two cushions and placed himself firmly on the third. As I walked away and left them to do the work I heard him say: ‘So THIS is my question – what is this?’.

 

Getting people to move and stand can move thinking forward significantly and quickly.  And this experience underlines the value, I think, of learning by doing even more than from theory.”

 

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3D Ideas 758: Why Not Why?

Claire writes: “I wonder what you think about the question why?  I love Simon Sinek’s book Start With Why that uses why to get to core purpose fast.  And yet in almost every other context, why can lead to speculation, explanation or justification.  That is all backwards. If it’s useful, what can be even more useful is to ask: ‘You’re doing/thinking that because it will…?’ That’s forward looking.  It’s worth a try!”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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