Category: ICF 06 Powerful Questioning

3D Ideas 778: Connections

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Claire writes: “People often come to conversations with a list of stuff they want to talk about. More often than not, before launching into the list, a useful question can be: ‘What’s the connection?’. It enables the person to go beyond the symptoms and think about what’s behind the stuff.

It worked for someone brand new to coaching on Transforming Conversations last week, and has been useful getting underneath stuff with someone this morning. And if there isn’t a connection, don’t apologise – simply move on – it’s only taken a few seconds to ask”

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3D Ideas 776: What’s a question

Claire writes: ‘A question isn’t a question if it contains the answer! ‘

 

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3D Ideas 759: Exploring – for who?

Claire writes: “Curiosity and exploration are key features of a coaching style.  But if I am curious and exploring your stuff for me, it can turn into an investigation and simply end up with me acquiring information

A much more effective way of being curious and exploring is for us to explore together – so that you learn new things about your situation and possibilities. That way you grow and develop. That’s coaching!


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3D Ideas 758: Why Not Why?

Claire writes: “I wonder what you think about the question why?  I love Simon Sinek’s book Start With Why that uses why to get to core purpose fast.  And yet in almost every other context, why can lead to speculation, explanation or justification.  That is all backwards. If it’s useful, what can be even more useful is to ask: ‘You’re doing/thinking that because it will…?’ That’s forward looking.  It’s worth a try!”

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3D Ideas 744: Language

rain-955956Claire writes: “People ask great questions.  Many people ask several great questions in quick succession! This dilutes the impact of the first question.  When I am giving feedback while listening to people having great conversations, I often need to invite them to stop talking.  They have said something great… and it loses its impact with every extra word!  It’s common to invite people to say the same thing using 90% less words.

 

Some of the people we meet work in several languages.  One is now speaking publicly in Welsh and has noticed that she now speaks more simply in English.  Another is coaching in English more than in his first language because he recognises that he listens better.

 

Another insight into less being more.”
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3D Ideas 740: A Question

eye-1245662_1280Claire writes: “A delegate on a course pointed out that long questions often evoke short answers.  Short questions often evoke long answers.  When the purpose of a conversation is to facilitate someone else’s thinking, short questions are always more effective

A question doesn’t have to be a question to be a question.  A glance, a word, a gesture can all be great questions. They also stop the delay between a question emerging and us turning it into something grammatical and structured – which often loses its impact.”

 

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3D Ideas 729: Connections

Claire writes:  “spider-web-with-water-beads-921039_1280It’s interesting how often people come to talk with a handful of separate things… which are almost always connected.
And as Nick Smith said,
  • How are these related? is story
  • What’s the connection? is about the person
Connection is a useful question as that’s often where the transformation will emerge.”
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Some feedback we received: Don’t really get this! If you’ve time for a short elaboration, would be very grateful.
Our  response:
Interestingly you’re the only person who has asked – so thank you for that.

It comes, I think, from the fact that we spend a great deal of time talking to problems rather than people.  How are those related I sense is about the stuff outside.
How are these connected is about ‘what’s the connection, for you, about the things we are thinking about – and that often leads to what’s the connection in you’ – and that’s where change can happen.
Great question – and I appreciate it wasn’t as clear as it could have been so appreciate your feedback

3D Ideas 723: Forget It

idea-1296140_1280

Claire writes: “Questions. When we develop people to ask great questions, they often write down all the ones we are asking. Yet the greatest questions are not the ones in the book, nor the one you have heard us ask – they are the unimpressive, ungrammatical, incomplete words or phrases or gestures that responds to what you see or hear or sense.

As we facilitate someone else’s thinking, they won’t remember most of the questions that move them on – too much thinking to be done! Occasionally they will remember a deep one to take away because it needs more attention. So the shorter our questions, the quicker they are dropped and forgotten if they’re not useful.”

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3D Ideas 721: Silence

rain-955956_1280Dietrich Bonhoeffer said ‘Don’t fill the silence with your own story’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all!

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3D Ideas 719: Inattention

rest-413103_1280Claire writes: “One of the exercises we use in training allows the thinker in a conversation to control it.  They only ask for a question from a group when they need one. It slows down the pace of questioning from the coach/ facilitator and speeds up their own thinking. Ironically it’s the space that increases the pace. And in the time that the group are coming up with their questions, the thinker keeps thinking – and moves on again.

When asked what they were learning one delegate said: “I’m learning to shut up. Just shut up!” It’s the gift of giving space whilst being attentively not bothered.

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