Claire writes: “We judge ourselves on our intention. If my intention is good, what I say is good. Except that my colleague judges me on the impact of what I have said. If it lands badly, we may take some hours, days or years to get over that. That’s why real play is useful. This means saying what we are thinking we might say out loud and hearing it to get a sense of whether its impact is what we intended.

Invite your colleague to try it out at different temperatures – say it in a very safe way. Now try it in a really challenging way.

• Only a few groundrules
• This works better if you stand up
• We aren’t acting – and you are not taking the role of the person they are thinking of – you are just a face to talk to
• For safety, it can be useful to put your hand up and move away so they are talking to your hand
• Ask then – how did that sound – anything you want to change?

It might only take two or three goes, and it can make a significant difference to the quality of their conversation when it happens”

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