Tag: transition

3D Juggling 698: There is More to Grief than Death

It’s 2 weeks before Don Eisenhauer and I do a tour of the UK with his Introduction to Coaching people who are dying and grieving. We are looking forward to seeing people there. Interesting that what he writes here also connects to the webinar Clare is doing in November around Coaching in Transition. Loss is part of every day life and work in so many ways.

Don writes:

“It is so hard to see her like that,” a son told me after I visited his mother whose dementia was progressing. “She no longer knows who I am. Even though she is still alive, the mother I knew has died.”

Grief is expected when a loved one dies. What many don’t realize is that grief reactions often occur even before death. A son grieves the mother he knew even while his mother lives. He may grieve her loss of independence, the social life their family shared, or the memories she no longer retains. He may fear the impending death, or fear the process of dying.

All these reactions are normal, and we must give ourselves permission to feel the many emotions and to find “safe” places to express them. We grieve the mother who has died; at the same time we love and care for the mother who is still alive. This is the pain and privilege of dementia.

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 695: Transition

Clare writes: “Coaching is all about change. Doing things differently. Being different. Talking on new things. Breaking old habits. And for every change to be successful, there needs to be a transition. The psychological shift if you like. The mind-set, attitudes, values – all of these need to alter before the change can be sustainable.

Each transition has an ending, a neutral zone and a beginning, according to William Bridges. Managed (or coached) well, each phase helps us to let go of old mind-sets, beliefs, assumptions and discover new ones that will propel us forward.

How do you build this into your coaching or conversations?”

Clare will be running a webinar on Using Coaching in Transition on 30th November at 6pm. Join us to find out more. Early Bird Price £20 and 1.5 Hours CPD.

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 632: Just Show Up

Today’s Juggling comes with our best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.  It’s a privilege for us to listen to and work with people who are committed to making a difference at work or in society.  We’re also aware that these are tricky times for many, which is why our final reflection for this year comes from Anne Lamott:

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.”

H A P P Y   C H R I S T M A S from us all

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 593: To care and not to care

Claire writes: “When you’re working with people and real stuff, it’s hard to not become involved in some of the pain and confusion that we hear.  That’s true in coaching and it’s also probably true in much of what you do day to day.  Trust and intimacy are an important aspect of a coaching approach.  Yet the risk is that we enter so far into the pain and confusion that we lose our ability to support that individual or organisation because we become as stuck as our companion.

TS Elliot has some wisdom here: “Teach us to care and not to care. Teach us to sit still.”

I don’t think that sitting still is necessarily about being passive. Maybe it’s one way of supporting others to hold their nerve through difficult times – and holding it ourselves.  Think about it…?”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 514: Appropriate Luggage

Claire writes: I was talking to someone last week who said: ‘We need to recognise that transition is a permanent state for my organisation and stop waiting for it to end’.  It got me thinking about travelling!  Even when you listen to the story of Moses and the Israelites getting out of Egypt, transition was a travelling mode.  People on gap years manage to get everything they need into a rucksack and then stay wherever they chose – or can.  They’re really flexible to what arises.  I always used to travel with a Swiss Army knife and a sarong.  They’re useful for anything! Carry a rucksack and a small tent and you can choose to move fast or stay for a while.

Contrast that to last week’s TV footage of travellers trying to get out of Egypt. Their huge suitcases probably contain almost nothing that is useful to an extended stay in an airport. They may have packed for a hotel holiday to see the pyramids or the coast. And when you cannot return to the hotel, you have a problem.

What would you begin to do differently if you recognise that transition is a permanent state for your context?  Think about it…

© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

Permanent Transition?
Last week’s survey from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) said that 20% of UK workers fear for their jobs.  In the public sector, that figure rises to nearly one in three workers.

CIPD calls on managers to demonstrate high-quality leadership in order to raise morale and engagement in the workplace. The quarterly survey illustrated the extent to which employees are concerned about their standard of living “as inflation continues to erode the real value of wages”.

Almost a third of those surveyed said their standard of living had got worse over the last six months. compared with just 10% who said it had improved.

“If organisations don’t invest in developing high-performing managers, they may find better managed competitors racing past on the road to recovery,” said CIPD’s Ben Willmott. “Employers need to find cost-effective ways of equipping their line managers with the people management skills to support employee engagement and wellbeing.”

3D Juggling 506: The great lie

Jane writes: “According to a leading business expert speaking this week ‘Britain would flourish as an international trading nation outside the economic shackles of the European Union’*.  This view contradicts the key argument posed by some that leaving the EU would wreck the UK’s trade prospects.

Take a step back.  Think about some of the things the current government is aiming to do to achieve the level of savings it has committed to find, and to put customers’ at the heart of decision making about how services are delivered.   If you are involved in the design and delivery of services that have been provided by the public sector for many years, how does this feel?

What are you doing to ensure that your service, assuming it is of value, continues to be available when there’s no money to deliver it from within your current organisation?  Are you waiting to see what happens while you worry about the impact that leaving the ‘safety’ of the public sector may have on you?  Or are you talking with the other people and organisations that are, or could, be interested in what you do, with the intention of finding new and sustainable ways of doing it?

Received wisdom may be that there’s a need for your service, that you know best how to deliver it, and that customers want it to be delivered by you – that’s there’s no better alternative.  That may be a great lie.  Your service may be able to flourish independently.  You probably know how to make this happen, although you may need some help to work out how. And if you’re in the church or voluntary sector, who do you need to be talking to now?

We have worked with many individuals and teams to help them develop alternative futures.  How could we help you?

*Quote from Ruth Lea, Economist and Director of Global Vision.

© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 466: How many ducks are there in your row?

Claire writes: “When you buy a house, although you make many different choices, on the morning of the move, you can’t get through the new front door unless all the money is in the right place, the right paperwork has been signed and the right people have the keys. By then there have been surveys and mortgage applications, estimates and guesstimates. In house moving all your ducks need to be lined up in a row or the sale falls through.

If only life was like that in the world of career development. Our experience is that people are reluctant to make a move because all their ducks aren’t lined up. And that causes inertia. Suddenly: ‘I’d like to retrain’ becomes ‘I’d like to retrain but then will I get a job and will I have to move and…?’ Whereas with a house move, it’s all or nothing, with a career move you will always have to take a risk.

Think about variables eg location, time, financial security, employability, plan B:

  • What things REALLY need to be fixed?
  • What are flexible/ mobile/transferable?
  • You will never get all your ducks lined up in a row! How many is enough? Probably more than one… and less than all!

So if you’re in inertia, how many ducks are there in your row?

PS Where does this come from? Some people say the ducks in a row comes from funfair games.

Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who needs to take a risk

2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 427: The Sky in the Jigsaw

Claire writes: “I have enjoyed a few days holiday in the last week which has mostly involved going out for coffee, thinking, and watching films! It’s been a good time to reflect on what’s been going on in 3D over the last year. 12 months ago, we had a number of changes and it wasn’t totally clear where we would be heading. It was rather like doing a jigsaw. Several parts of the puzzle were complete, most of the edge was in place and it was time to tackle the sky. Sky or grass, when you first start what seems to be solid colour, it takes time and trial and error to find the right pieces. As the puzzle comes together the distinction between different blues and greens becomes increasingly clear so that the last few pieces are obvious.

It’s easy to discern backwards! We’re in a climate of major change – for those in work, leaving work or trying to get back into work. The puzzle takes time and patience as we to turn all the pieces the right way up, make an attempt at the edge and slot in the obvious pieces that just fell out of the box together. Working at it until 2am is rarely fruitful. Taking time to do something else and returning to the puzzle with new eyes can make it a much more enjoyable experience. And at the end, it doesn’t matter that some of the pieces in the edge were wrongly placed. It doesn’t take long to reorganise them and fit the last few pieces together.

Which bit of your puzzle are you stuck with?

Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who has a jigsaw all over their table!

© 2009 3D Coaching Ltd May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 420: Change of scene

Claire writes: ‘One of the most remarkable things about sleeping under the stars in the desert is that the panorama in the sky when you fall asleep is totally different from the one you see on waking in the night. As you sleep, everything moves! That’s how it felt last Wednesday to hear from www.stopthetraffik.org , our charity for this year. They left a message to say that Cadbury’s are going to make Dairy Milk fair trade. Now that one of the major producers has made that commitment, it seems much more hopeful that the others will follow. Once the change is made later in the year, it will take time to get used to buying Cadbury’s again!

Often we chip at change with seemingly few results. And then something happens and change comes in like a pile of dominoes falling over. I spoke to someone who wrote a letter a week in an attempt to find a more fulfilling job. After two years, her mission was successful and someone commented that the job had ‘landed in her lap’. That’s what it looked like! But it was a response to a long term mission. And when the change comes, however much it has been hoped for, it can take time to catch up with where we are now.’

© 2009 3D Coaching Ltd May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

3D Juggling 355: Taking up the role

Diane writes: Last week I took part in an exercise where I was given a sheet of paper with five concentric circles. Between the edge of each circle and in the very centre there was space to write. I was invited to write words in each of the circles that describe me. The facilitator pointed out that each time we do an exercise like this we will put words in different places, those closest to the centre are the most important descriptors each time we do it. I really enjoyed the exercise and was interested to see which words were closest to the centre. Suddenly a new word leapt into my brain, “Mother-in Law”.

Two weeks ago we celebrated our younger daughter’s wedding. It was a truly splendid affair which everyone tells me they enjoyed immensely. There was a very moving piece in the ceremony where the officiant helped my husband to hand over our daughter into the new relationship. There was all kinds of symbolism to be seen in the way each person’s hands were linked. For me at that moment a new family unit was created. I became a “Mother-in-Law” and I have to work out with our daughter and her husband what that role will involve.

It is not often that we are reminded in such a wonderful and dramatic way about taking up a new role. It made me stop to reflect how often in the past I have failed to notice I am taking up a new role and perhaps not given it the attention it deserved. I feel it is worth asking ourselves the question everyday, “Who am I today? What roles do I need to prepare for?” I shall certainly be paying attention to how I take up my new role as “Mother-in Law”; it is one which needs to be worked at!

(c) 2007 3D Coaching Ltd