Tag: responsibility

3D Ideas 731: Instruction

We are delighted to be one of the sponsors at the South West Councils Coaching Conference this week.  Find out what we’re all learning on Tuesday at #swcoaching
fork-1431302_1280Claire writes: ‘In a one to one we do what we normally do in the conversations we have most often.  The difference between what sounds like instruction and what is intended to be inquiry is tiny, is received differently, and subtly moves the centre of expertise:

 

I’m the expert                          You’re the expert
Tell me about                          Say more
I’d like you to                          Would it be useful to?

 

That means we need to be careful with the use of diagnostic tools.  Used carelessly, feedback can unwittingly start sounding like I’m the expert.  I’m not.  We have to keep the responsibility in the middle.  You are the expert in you.’

 

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 720: Delegation

monkey-1279818_1280Claire writes: “Claire and I are coaching a team this week. We are taking them all stretchy monkeys. It’s worth reading The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey to find out why.

One of the comments we often receive after our Conversations trainings is that people sleep better. They learn to stop carrying monkeys around. As Hunt and Weintraub so eloquently put it ‘Coaching teaches you the competence of working through others, not doing it yourself’. That’s not manipulation – it’s developing staff and volunteers to be able to do what they are here to do so that you can do what you are here to do.

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 666: Mind your language!

Happy New Year from everyone at 3D Coaching

Claire writes: “Supportiveness comes in all shapes and sizes: ‘What are you going to do about it, then?’ may not rank in your top ten for support. And ‘What do you want (would you like) me to do about it?’ whether said or implied can often be what we say when we end up taking responsibility for things that really belong to someone else.

In any conversation, there are three areas of responsibility – yours, mine and what we do together in this conversation (and possibly beyond, depending on our roles). A coaching approach encourages us to be clear about language:

What can WE do in this conversation so that YOU are clear enough about a way forward?

Careful use of we for what’s happening here and now in the process of this conversation, and you for action keeps responsibility where it needs to be. If you’re in a leader, manager or supervisor role and it’s not all down to your colleague taking action, you can always end with ‘Is there anything that I need to do as a result of this conversation?’

People who use this say they sleep better at night!

Principle 10: You action – we process

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 644: Mini Me

Claire writes: “Have you ever read The Water Babies? I can remember Mrs Do-as-you-would-be-done-by and Mrs Be-done-by-as-you-did.

It’s worth thinking about whether I manage my own time? Can I manage a meeting? If I can’t, how can I expect anyone else to?  Noticing others struggling to do things that we too find difficult can be a good learning.”

© 2014 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 609: Going Round in Triangles

Claire writes: “It’s not often that a day goes by without hearing someone talking about what has been done to them or hasn’t been done for them.  Whether it’s about parents or children, partners, colleagues, volunteers or bosses, it happens.  It can sabotage adult to adult relationships. We hear it in organisations all the time.  People perceive that others have power over them and are ‘doing to’ them (persecutor). Others feel that they have less power than others and experience feelings of being victims.  And often managers or leaders or vicars or parents or friends or coaches want to or are invited to take the role of rescuer and we end up going round in circles.

Karpman drew from his experience in transactional analysis and noticed that when these three positions are taken, it’s not long before people change roles.  The victim becomes the persecutor, the persecutor is invited to rescue, and so on.  Karpman called it the Drama Triangle.

If you are a manager or leader or vicar or parent or friend or coach and are asked to – or tempted to – step into the rescuer role, remember that you could make the situation worse by taking that power.  It’s not that complex to make a difference because instead of doing that, you can share the power:

  • How can I help you work out what to do now?
  • What can I do now to help you think through that conversation you need to have?

In some teams and organisations, there are many victims, persecutors and rescuers and it is costly in time and money and relationships.  You can begin to shift that one conversation at a time.  In fact, that’s not too difficult.  What is harder is to do that consistently. That’s where culture changes.  But some of us rather like being rescuers.  And in the short term, it is quicker.

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 589: Pear Shaped Meetings

If this is Juggling number 589, we have been writing it for over 11 years, which is about the length of time it has taken for Claire to acquire the necessary hours and expertise to finally be awarded the Master Certified Coach credential from the International Coach Federation.  There are only 20 MCCs in the UK and she was not able to carry into the process the ten years of 1-1s she did when neither she nor her clients knew she was coaching.  She has also gained formal accreditation as a Coaching Supervisor in the last few weeks. Congratulations!

Claire writes: “Every day someone tells us about a meeting which hasn’t been as productive as it could be, or which has just been a way to fill time.  We notice that when meetings go pear shaped, people often don’t feel confident to raise that because they don’t know what to do next.  What a huge responsibility!

Actually, if the meeting is to be in service of the organisation and respectful of its’ members time, surely that responsibility can be shared?  What will you do now if you really understand that your role is to notice and say what you see… and that the responsibility for what to do next lies with the group?

Get it and don’t know what to say?  Try this – I notice that we have gone off track here/ I am wondering what we are really thinking/ etc.  What needs to happen now?

Think about it…”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

Positive Deviance

Su writes: I’ve been caught up in an interesting book: “The Power of Positive Deviance” by Pascale, Sternin and Sternin. Positive deviants, as outlined in the book, are those people who are working and living in the same set of circumstances and constraints as the rest of us, but that manage to succeed where others don’t. Immediately, possible scenarios spring to mind where this thinking might be applicable. This whole workforce is working under the posible threat of redundancy: how do some individuals still manage to be productive while others aren’t? All churches face similar constraints in terms of resources, time and money: how are some flourishing while others struggle? The key examples described in this book are about serious healthcare problems: malnutrition in children in Vietnam, female circumcision in Egypt. Rather than going in as the hero of the hour with education programmes and pamphlets, the authors instead worked with the communities in order to support them seeing who was doing things differently, how they were doing it and  allowing the community  to take responsibility for enacting these practices .

It sounds simple. But it isn’t done enough in organisations. The “top” feels the need to identify problems and find solutions, investing money in whizzy ways of communicating these. But actually devolving this responsibility to those actually doing the jobs is more effective. Scary, possibly, for those at the “top” who would like to control things, but far more effective in identifying the need for change and really making it happen. Do you remember the “our people are our greatest asset” mantra that companies used as a strap line in the nineties? Well I think this consideration of positve deviance may well be a way of making that aspiration live.

I wonder how it would in your organisation?

3D Juggling 560: Engagement

Claire writes: “If you are involved in any kind of training, you’ll know the energy that comes from an engaged group. You will also have an opinion about happy sheets and evaluations and ongoing learning.

We notice that there is always a dilemma about the balance between a performance that people will rate and learning that will transform. We also notice that, too often, the trainer takes responsibility for making the event work! Transformation comes when the responsibility is shared – even if the delegates may need to work harder!

Some questions we like are:

  • What needs to be different by the end of the day so that you go home and say it was a valuable use of your time?
  • What do we need to do to make sure that happens?
  • What do you need to do?
  • How will you know you’ve got what you need?

We write them up – and then at half time, we do it again – asking them to tick off if they have already got what they need – and amend the contract if we need to deliver different material or material in a different way.

Sharing responsibility appropriately in the training room can also mean that responsibility is shared more appropriately back at work.  Think about it…”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd

May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

 

3D Juggling 556: Who’s Fault?

‘How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?’ Dr. Seuss

“Lynn writes: “I have just had a meeting with a client who was 50 minutes late for her appointment.  This was 20 minutes late for what she believed was her appointment time and 30 minutes after the actual time we had arranged. Resisting the urge to be annoyed, or to say ‘It’s OK’ – which it wasn’t, I reflected on where the accountability should lie in what had happened.  What should I be doing, firstly to hold myself accountable, and secondly to hold him accountable?

So I started our discussion not with ignoring or blame or minimising the impact, but with learning.  ‘The learning for me is that a reminder text or e-mail yesterday would have been useful and appropriate. What have you learned?’

What followed was a deep and far reaching discussion in which he was able to honestly and openly see his tendency to cram too many activities into the day and his recognition that he is often chasing his tail, feeling guilty, disorganised and fraught.

By being honest and paying attention to keeping the responsibility between us, he now knows why he was late and what he needs to do if he chooses to change this behaviour and potential consequences if he doesn’t.

Where do you need to be keeping the responsibility in the middle? Think about it…”

[So by analysing the accountability we were able to see that as his coach it is appropriate for me to be managing his progress and accountability (and part of his progress is ensuring he knows when his appointments are) but it is not holding him accountable for his actions – it is about enabling him to hold himself accountable. ]

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 549: Hot Seat

Claire writes: ‘I was running a ‘Brilliant Chairing’ course last week and was talking about why chairing a meeting can feel like being in the hot seat. How much do we make it hot? And how much do others make it feel hot for us?

Whose responsibility is it to make sure a meeting is effective? The chair has an important role in that, and the responsibility is held by everyone. Isn’t it? Think about it…’

© 2011 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com