Tag: real play

3D Juggling 710: What’s My Contribution To What I’m Experiencing?

eyeglasses-366446_1280Nick writes: “‘This person is defensive.’ ‘That person is disruptive.’ What do we notice in others? What could we be evoking – albeit without realising it? Jonathan warned me about resistive people in his team. He felt frustrated as leader that they didn’t engage with him or blocked his ideas. I joined the team as observer and team coach. He looked genuinely surprised when I commented afterwards on his provocative, critical style.

We agreed to try an experiment. At the following meeting, I opened with a role play: ‘Let’s imagine ourselves at the end of this meeting today and that it has been…brilliant! It has been inspiring and engaging throughout – the best meeting you’ve ever had. Now let’s have a quick conversation about what you noticed yourself and others doing during the meeting – as if it had really happened. What, practically, made the difference?’

The team stepped in, hesitantly at first but then opened up. ‘We had a clear purpose for what we were doing.’ ‘We all shared our best ideas.’ ‘We were willing to challenge each other, but it still felt supportive.’ ‘Jonathan listened…he really listened, and we felt heard.’ ‘I spoke up when I had something to say – instead of staying silent.’ ‘We had donuts – we’ve never done that before!’ I could feel the energy lift in the room.

We shifted from role play to real play as they worked on their agenda. ‘OK – we have a choice. We’ve looked at what works for you. Now let’s do it. When it feels inspiring and effective – say it. When it gets stuck or loses energy – call it.’ It felt shaky at first. It takes practice and commitment to establish new patterns of relating and working. By the end of the meeting, however, there were smiles around the room. ‘We did it!’”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 706: Stop Talking!

head-927180_1280Claire writes: “When we need to think through a slightly complex conversation, it’s common to find someone else with whom to talk it through. Talking about talking is helpful. What can be even more useful is to try it out. We call that real play.

All you need to do is talk to another as though they are the person – and hear yourself say what you’re thinking of saying. Unlike role play, they don’t join in – they just ask you how that felt. More often than not you will want to change the tone or the challenge – and can have another go. If you do that, moving a bit before you try again makes it easier to make the change. It’s astonishing how effective this can be.”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Juggling 663: Do It Now

Claire writes: “Kirsty and Su spent time with John Blakey last week. He was talking about challenging coaching and saying that coaching is simply about getting from A to B. Thinking more about that I’d like to add – not just talking about how you might get from A to B!

The journey from talking to action is paved with good intent. Raising the challenge in a conversation to do it now might be to invite your colleauge to write the something in their diary. Occasionally it might be getting them to make the call they are avoiding now – in this 10 minutes – rather than talking about it for 20! And when they are talking to us about a conversation that needs to happen, often (but not every time) it is to get them to say what they are going to say. The only rules are that it needs to be a quick set up, they are not there to rehearse a script, and you are not there to be in role or act as anyone else.

  • ‘I’m him – say what you’re going to say’
  • ‘And when you hear that…?’
  • It can be useful to gauge where this lies in a spectrum of challenge
    … ‘So if you were going to be 10/10 challenging what would you say…?
  • ‘And if you were going to be really passive what would you say?’…
  • ‘So what are you going to say?’

Principle 7: Do It Now – Real Play”

© 2014 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com
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3D Juggling 463: Customer Service

Claire writes: ‘Why is it that I have just received the best customer service ever from the doctor’s receptionist? And I’m still annoyed? I had to book a blood test this week and went to the counter to book an appointment. The first response was: ‘You’ll have to wait for two weeks.’ When I asked whether there was anything I could do to speed that up, I was told: ‘You could go to the hospital and queue.’ I think I must have pulled an ‘Oh, no’ face. Then the receptionist said: ‘Or you could go to the cottage hospital in 2 days time. They have an appointment at 2.33pm and I can book you in now.’

At work – and at home – we only get one go at having a conversation well. If we don’t communicate well, then we begin the next one with a level of negativity on both sides. That lady gave me what I wanted and more. But after two interventions which I received as negative and unhelpful I am still left knowing she was excellent. And feeling that she was grumpy.

That’s why we advocate real play – when you have the conversation you need to have with a colleague or a customer out loud. In advance. Then you can listen to how it will be received and change or modify what you will say. Because live on the day, you only get one go. Had she given me choices from the outset, I could be telling you how great that receptionist was. But I am still left with the impression that she was grumpy.’

Love this? Do us a favour and send it to five people. Who thinks like you? You could send it to someone who would benefit from real play.

© 2010 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com

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