Tag: noticing

3D Juggling 708: Listen With Your Eyes

Listen with your eyesClaire writes: “Active Listening is often used as a descriptor for coaching. I think I must be a slow learner as I am only just articulating that active means listening with all our senses. Which is why listening with our eyes is so important – and saves loads of time.

People’s gestures are almost always ahead of their speech. So someone who is saying they’re stuck may be moving their hands in a forward gesture. When you start listening with your eyes, you will also notice whether your colleague is thinking (looking away, slightly hesitant) or telling you things they know already (maintaining eye contact, speaking fluently). Learning to listen like this is quite difficult when you are learning the art of powerful questioning at the same time. But next time you’re in a meeting and it’s not your bit, watch and you’ll begin to hear differently.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 705: Observing

binoculars-354623_1280Claire writes: “Another great week observing people having conversations and noticing what works and what doesn’t. I’ve written before about how easy it is to translate what we see into a question or a piece of advice – and how the power of the real data – what was observed – is quickly lost in translation or received as opinion where it loses its impact.

If you notice something, the most powerful thing you can do is to say it. I often say ‘Can I make an observation?’ because it clearly distinguishes that it’s different from the content of what we are talking about. It’s coming from what is heard or seen or sensed. And asking permission means we can be very challenging. The skill then is to ensure it contains no judgement: ‘I’m noticing you say you want to do that – and I’m hearing no energy in your voice…’

Try it!”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 614: Cookie Stealer

Claire writes: “There’s a great story in Alex Grimley’s Vital Conversations about a businesswoman who picked up some cookies as a treat at an airport.  She sat down at a table to eat them, have a cup of tea and read a magazine.  The airport was busy and so she shared the table with a Japanese businessman.  As she read, he helped himself to a cookie. She got increasingly frustrated especially when he then took the last cookie, broke it in half and gave her one piece and ate the other.  As he left the table, she went to chase him in fury.  And noticed her packet of cookies, unopened, in her bag.

It’s all about perception.  And we jump to conclusions like that all the time.  The only reliable data is what we might see through a video – not what we interpret.  Yet we often, like the businesswoman, give feedback based on what we interpret.  Next time you feel your hackles rising, it might be worth asking – what did I notice? And say what you see without without adding the voiceover commentary!

If you want to understand more, have a look at the Ladder of Inference

© 2013 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 592: Don’t work so hard!

Find out more about our Coaching Masterclasses starting by phone in January 2013 for people who have already done some coaching skills training.  There is still one space on 27th November at the Action Learning Set Facilitator Training in London. Would you like to join us?  

Claire writes: “Often when I listen to people talking about one to ones I want to say – ‘Don’t work so hard!’ The facilitator of the conversation – be it line manager or coach often takes more than their fair share of the responsibility.  We want our colleague or client to buy what we are saying.  And then we might say it again, or in another way just in case they didn’t!

Conversations work most effectively, I notice, when responsibility is shared appropriately.  And sometimes noticing something is enough.  Maurice Maeterlink said: “It is far more important that one’s life should be perceived than that it should be transformed; for no sooner has it been perceived, than it transforms itself of its own accord.”

Next time you’re in a conversation and find yourself working too hard, think about it…?”

© 2012 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com