Tag: conversations

3D Ideas 761: Not a problem

Claire writes: “‘I haven’t got any problems so I have nothing to bring!’ is something we often hear from delegates on our training courses or in action learning sets.  Edgy thinking space doesn’t need to be a problem solving space.  It’s a rich opportunity to explore learning, development, to look at work situations from a different place, to grow, to be challenged and to challenge ourselves.

 

Given that a coaching style is, at its simplest keeping someone company (and accountable) while they think, it is a great place to flourish and try things out.  That is a gift to the organisations for which we work and the people whom we serve.  Whether they be communities, volunteers, patients, users or customers, they are all people – people who will benefit from us having had conversations that support us and challenge us.”

© 2017 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com   Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 734: Masterchef

salt-pepper-714903_1280Claire writes: ‘My keynote talk at the South West Councils Coaching Conference this month was all about the similarity between coaching and Masterchef. So as they go into the final week, what makes a winner?
  • They use far less ingredients in their winning meal than they did in the first round – just because we know a lot doesn’t mean it’s useful all at once
  • It’s all about seasoning –  just enough and not too much
  • They taste all the way through  we can keep checking in – is this useful?
  • They cook for the judges not for themselves – coaching is for you – not for me
I laughed when one of the judges said less is more because in conversations that’s absolutely true. And even less is even more.’
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 732: Stuff

2015-03-02 14.22.53Claire writes: “Last week was an interesting one.  Invited to speak at a coaching conference about simplicity, I met a man who talks about phenomology and virtual reality in coaching.  Then I read a piece in Jason Fox’s ‘The Gamechanger’ about imagining yourself playing a game in which you are a character.  Both are really insightful, simple – and mindblowingly complex!

The simple version is that when we can see what’s happening from a different perspective, there is plenty to learn and the potential to make different choices.  As we keep someone company in their thinking, the best support we can offer is to hold the thinking space with them which enables them to notice what needs to be noticed.  We don’t need to hold their stuff or to get stuck in it with them.”

(Today’s picture was taken in Rome – this lady has all her stuff with her all the time – twice a day, she swept and mopped the space around it)
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com


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3D Ideas 731: Instruction

We are delighted to be one of the sponsors at the South West Councils Coaching Conference this week.  Find out what we’re all learning on Tuesday at #swcoaching
fork-1431302_1280Claire writes: ‘In a one to one we do what we normally do in the conversations we have most often.  The difference between what sounds like instruction and what is intended to be inquiry is tiny, is received differently, and subtly moves the centre of expertise:

 

I’m the expert                          You’re the expert
Tell me about                          Say more
I’d like you to                          Would it be useful to?

 

That means we need to be careful with the use of diagnostic tools.  Used carelessly, feedback can unwittingly start sounding like I’m the expert.  I’m not.  We have to keep the responsibility in the middle.  You are the expert in you.’

 

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely.  Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com  Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Ideas 726: The Difference

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Claire writes: “We take many roles in 1-1s which are similar and different. When we sit in the same chair, we are more likely to have the same conversation.  So whether you are a GP, hospital consultant, vicar, or manager – if you are going to have a different kind of conversation, it’s worth thinking about sitting in a different seat.  The man who told me ‘I’m not the expert – but they want me to be’ has decided to swap seats mid conversation if he needs to say ‘I’m not the expert – if you think this is the expert chair, come and sit in it’.

Ahmar is a trained counsellor and a coach.  In a masterclass recently, he noticed that in coaching he was listening with his eyes more than his ears.  Watching him work, we observed that where counsellors might be still and sit back while they are listening, great coaches often lean in and are more provocative and pacy – even when they are using the same words

All roles are valuable.  Whether the conversation is sensitive or pragmatic, being clear together what is the most useful way to talk now makes all the difference.”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Ideas 722: Finishing Off

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Claire writes: “Acronyms help remember things. A group in Leicester challenged themselves to work out how to make a good ending to a conversation. They came up with CALF:

  • Check/ challenge the contract
  • Accountability – when/ what needs to happen to get this done?
  • What have you Learned so far?
  • Have we Finished?

That final question is interesting. Notice where the responsibility sits when you say ‘Have we finished?’ rather than ‘I think we have finished’. It’s useful.

David Clutterbuck’s Four Is are also a useful end to a conversation – especially if notes need to be made together:

  • What are the issues we have discussed?
  • What insights have you had?
  • What ideas have we come up with?
  • What are your intentions?

After all, a great end is as important as a great beginning.”
© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

3D Juggling 715: Control Freak

display-dummy-915135_1280Claire writes: “Listen to many work conversations and, whether it’s about staff or volunteers, a lot of time is consumed in conversations is outside of the control of anyone in the room. It might be interesting. It might evoke emotions – positive or negative. And it’s outside your control.

The most productive conversations happen when we notice that, contain the time engaged in talking about it and focus on what’s in your gift. It’s often less exciting, because hearing and hypothesising about what a third party did or thinks or feels can be interesting! And less useful”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 714: How open is open?

open-966315_1280Claire writes: “It’s a great privilege to spend much of our weeks observing other people having conversations – there is so much to be learned.

I am noticing that even open questions have a scale of openness!

If I ask ‘What else?’ you might think I assume you are missing something out. It’s the same with ‘Something else?’. It’s interesting that ‘Anything else?’ is the only one received as open.

And ‘Anything else?’ or ‘?’ are both great questions to help people go deeper into their thinking.”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 713: Stroking

horse-798384_1280Claire writes: “Call them Freudian slips, or mistakes, or what you like… but sometimes what slips out can be useful information. At a recent training day, one of the delegates observed that learning about our strokers acronym was really useful.

STOKeRS is about supporting another person to take responsibility. It’s ironic that STROKING is what happens so often in organisations – we fear saying what we see, we want to make someone feel better, and we want to be liked. What emerges may look supportive but in reality what the organisation needs is support and challenge together.”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 711: Notes

legal-pad-979558_1920Claire writes: “A very common question in training events is about whether or not you should take notes when you are having a coaching style conversation. If your background or your day job requires any kind of due diligence, you’ll be used to taking them.

  1. It’s hard to listen with your eyes when you’re writing – Listen first
  2. What are you writing down? If it’s information about the problem or the context you may slip into talking to that instead of the person – Talk to the person
  3. Are you thinking what you might be forgetting something? – Try writing on one small sticky note rather than in an A4 notebook!

A coaching style is useful when the conversation is about the other person making some sense of their situation. Their stuff. Their notes. And if things need to be written down, try using David Clutterbuck’s Four Is at the end:

  • what are the issues we have explored?
  • what are your insights?
  • what ideas have we had?
  • what are your intentions?”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd

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