Tag: coaching skills

3D Ideas 720: Delegation

monkey-1279818_1280Claire writes: “Claire and I are coaching a team this week. We are taking them all stretchy monkeys. It’s worth reading The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey to find out why.

One of the comments we often receive after our Conversations trainings is that people sleep better. They learn to stop carrying monkeys around. As Hunt and Weintraub so eloquently put it ‘Coaching teaches you the competence of working through others, not doing it yourself’. That’s not manipulation – it’s developing staff and volunteers to be able to do what they are here to do so that you can do what you are here to do.

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 714: How open is open?

open-966315_1280Claire writes: “It’s a great privilege to spend much of our weeks observing other people having conversations – there is so much to be learned.

I am noticing that even open questions have a scale of openness!

If I ask ‘What else?’ you might think I assume you are missing something out. It’s the same with ‘Something else?’. It’s interesting that ‘Anything else?’ is the only one received as open.

And ‘Anything else?’ or ‘?’ are both great questions to help people go deeper into their thinking.”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 711: Notes

legal-pad-979558_1920Claire writes: “A very common question in training events is about whether or not you should take notes when you are having a coaching style conversation. If your background or your day job requires any kind of due diligence, you’ll be used to taking them.

  1. It’s hard to listen with your eyes when you’re writing – Listen first
  2. What are you writing down? If it’s information about the problem or the context you may slip into talking to that instead of the person – Talk to the person
  3. Are you thinking what you might be forgetting something? – Try writing on one small sticky note rather than in an A4 notebook!

A coaching style is useful when the conversation is about the other person making some sense of their situation. Their stuff. Their notes. And if things need to be written down, try using David Clutterbuck’s Four Is at the end:

  • what are the issues we have explored?
  • what are your insights?
  • what ideas have we had?
  • what are your intentions?”

© 2016 3D Coaching Ltd

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3D Juggling 703: So Complicated

the lightest touch has the greatest impactClaire writes: ‘Watching my husband and a 4 year old friend navigate my iPad is an astonishing lesson. She makes everything work seamlessly. He can’t work out how to use it.

When we have learned that things are complicated, it’s tricky to do something simply. That’s why there’s so much unlearning to have simpler and more effective conversations. But it’s worth it. The value of coaching is in saying little enough to keep another’s thinking in flow. That’s all.”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email

 

3D Juggling 701: Sink Hole

Claire and Don Eisenhauer enjoyed meeting lots of people last week talking about having End of Life Conversations. This week we are off to Derby, Nuneaton and Shrewsbury and there are still spaces at every venue if you’d like to join us.

hole-576084_1280Claire writes: “Having the earth fall away beneath your feet seems to be a fairly common dream. Which makes news of recent sinkholes opening up in major roads in Manchester and residential streets in St Albans rather alarming.

Our natural human response when someone is in a hole is often to want to be so supportive that we end up getting in it with them. A coaching style is more about being with them as they are in it. That’s supportive too – it just looks a little different.”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 700: Scale the Challenge

810455_82316663Nick writes “Often when we are using a coaching style, we challenge how a person is thinking, feeling, behaving or making sense of their world. Sometimes, this can feel exciting and liberating. At other times, it can feel uncomfortable and disorientating.

In order to gauge what level of challenge the person is open to, what level they can cope with healthily without it evoking defensiveness, it’s good to ask the person what they would find most useful from you in that conversation.

‘On a scale of 1-10, how challenging would you like me to be today?’
‘What would that look like?’

These questions invite the person to be honest about where they are at, what they want from you and what would
achieve the best outcome for them.”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 697: Change the Medium

2015-10-09 16.11.11

Claire writes: ‘At the last open Transforming Conversations course, introducing permission to think with another person by drawing on large pieces of paper was like letting in fresh air.

Interesting then that someone I worked with this week pointed out that a book on creativity suggested if you are stuck in your writing, change the medium. Whether that’s to blank paper, sticky notes or something else, it works.

And connects interestingly with what we know from coaching that moving (mismatching) helps change happen.’

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 696: DVD Buttons

2015-09-30 15.42.25Nick writes: “I ran Transforming Conversations last week and, during a practise session, one of the participants drew coloured symbols on post-its as an aide memoire. They were familiar symbols – the kind you might see on a CD or DVD player: rewind, play, pause, fastforward, stop.

  • Rewind: ‘Let’s remind ourselves of the outcome you’d like to work towards. What stands out to you now as most important in this?’
  • Play: ‘Say more..? How would it be if you were to draw that? How are you feeling now as you talk about this?’
  • Pause: ‘Let’s just pause for a moment. Where are we now? What do we need to do next?’
  • Fastforward: ‘OK… moving forward… what will your next step be?’
  • Stop: ‘Is there anything else we need to do today? Are we finished?’

They also drew a cup of hot tea as a useful reminder that, sometimes, it’s good to step back from the issue, have a break and return to it with fresh energy if needed. I loved the idea of using these visual symbols as simple prompts. What prompts have you found useful?”

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 695: Transition

Clare writes: “Coaching is all about change. Doing things differently. Being different. Talking on new things. Breaking old habits. And for every change to be successful, there needs to be a transition. The psychological shift if you like. The mind-set, attitudes, values – all of these need to alter before the change can be sustainable.

Each transition has an ending, a neutral zone and a beginning, according to William Bridges. Managed (or coached) well, each phase helps us to let go of old mind-sets, beliefs, assumptions and discover new ones that will propel us forward.

How do you build this into your coaching or conversations?”

Clare will be running a webinar on Using Coaching in Transition on 30th November at 6pm. Join us to find out more. Early Bird Price £20 and 1.5 Hours CPD.

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
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3D Juggling 694: Dental Insight

Claire writes: “It was check up time for us at the dentist last week. 3 of us sat on the bench with the 4th in the dentist’s chair. Never my favourite occupation, I’m always grateful that he looks and listens. Imagine what it would be like if he just got the drill out and started drilling, when all you needed was to realise you needed to floss more!

I often observe people trained in using a coaching style jumping in with their tools. They may be the best idea in that conversation – but they are even more valuable if we simply say what we see. And if that turns out to be important, all we need to do is ask: ‘So now that we know that, what do we need to do now…’ The drill may be useful, and it may be time for action.. and something else may be even better.” Let’s leave diagnosing to the experts.

© 2015 3D Coaching Ltd
May be distributed freely. Please retain contact details: www.3dcoaching.com and send a copy/ link to info@3dcoaching.com Register here to receive our blog posts every Monday by email